CXXXIII: Wondering Why Your Family Hates Your “Significant Other”?

So, I was watching The Family Chantel on TLC and there seemed to be a theme (at least in the first episode) about how couples are received by the family members of the parties. I also know people who are [oddly] struggling to figure out why no one in the family likes their “significant others”, so I’m here to toss out a few of the reasons that I’ve seen regarding why that may be the case:

NUMBER ONE: PRESENTATION IS KEY

When it comes to relationships, family is sacred. Families are the thing that we bond over the most citing to similar family values and similar family goals in the “getting-to-know-you” phase (assuming you have one) of your relationship, so when it comes to family, presenting your “significant other” shouldn’t be a fly-by-night idea.

This process should be thought out and properly planned otherwise you run the risk of a terrible first meeting and a lifetime of your family negatively judging this person while you sit up and wonder why they don’t like him/her.

Although many people don’t think as highly, you should think of your family as that top notch dream job interview. This is the most important interview that you will go on so you prepare and prepare and over-prepare some more so that you walk in there and knock em’ dead. On the other hand, throwing yourself in could result in you making a complete fool of yourself (and your significant other)!

Overall, don’t sloppily throw this person at your family and expect them to love him/her. Not everyone accepts half-baked schemes as sufficient.

NUMBER TWO: THE EFFORT YOU PUT INTO INTERACTIONS SHAPE THE QUALITY OF THE BONDS TO FOLLOW

In the era of accepting less and less from significant others it could be hard for some to differentiate between what should be acceptable and what simply shouldn’t. The problem with this, however, is that, when your family is meeting your boyfriend (for instance), they are looking for traits and qualities within that first [second and third] interaction that show that he is (1) worthy, (2) honest, (3) able to protect you, (4) on a path to somewhere, etc. Your family is vetting this person in ways that you possibly didn’t, so stressing the importance of these original interactions is imperative.

If your family meets a man for the first time and he can’t answer simple background questions like (1) what’s your name and (2) what do you do for work, then you might as well just save them the time and bother. These are not difficult questions to answer and they are questions whose answers will likely help put family members at ease a bit. Not to mention the fact that these are the bare minimum. Failing to answer or taking them as jokes will only make your significant other the running joke that you, for some reason, don’t get.

Honestly guys, your initial impressions matter. If you treat those interactions and conversations like one big joke, then you will be taken as a complete joke. Let your significant others know (if they are too young to not already know) that meeting your family is a serious privilege that should be approached as such and all will be fine!

NUMBER THREE: WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW THEM IT’S HARD FOR US TO

Because many people simply cannot be alone, they take the dating process at the speed of light. One day you’re with one person and the next you’re on the hunt for a completely different person. A week later, you’re in love and he/she is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

The problem becomes the fact that:

You wanted the title so badly that you skipped the courting, the friendship, the getting to know each other, the dating and then the proper induction into the relationship.

Relationships can happen without all of these things, but unless you’re forgiving, they generally don’t last. Do your homework ladies and gents! Do your homework.

It’s very easy for you to tell us the things that are fun, “impressive”, or cute about your person. It’s great to tell us that they’ve bought you things, BUT, its even better when you actually know the person that you’ve chosen to bring around your family.

NUMBER FOUR: THE MORE DEFENSIVE YOU FEEL THE NEED TO BE ABOUT EM’, THE LESS TRUSTWORTHY THEY BECOME

Nothing looks worse than the person who cannot let a question be asked about their “person” without getting attitudinal or defensive.

You don’t have to be an open book and spill all of the beans about your situation, but you should at least be able to tell us the name of this person!

The more defensive you are about the “relationship”, the less likely it’s a good one. Your reactions play a big part in other’s acceptance of your significant other as well, so be mindful (which is not to say “be fake”).

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This list could go on forever, but in the interest of brevity, I will spare you. For those readers who hold their family in high regard, having your significant other accepted by them is a big deal, but it’s not something that happens without work.

It should also be noted that, your family not liking your person now, doesn’t mean that it’ll be that way forever, but again, work is required to change that.

And finally, if they don’t like him, you shouldn’t distance yourself from your family, you know, the people who have been with you your entire upbringing, you should take what they are saying into consideration because chances are they see things that you can’t given your urge to simply have a relationship.