I Don't Want To Travel Again Until I'm Madly In Love
Studies have shown time and time again that traveling is truly that girl when it comes to being in love and finding love. Romantic comedies depict this all of the time: girl goest through break-up, goes on a trip, falls in love and BOOM life is magically better. Or couple goes on trip and the magic of being somewhere else assists in rekindling a love they once knew.
Have you ever wondered why though? I certainly have, so let’s talk research and then we’ll talk self-dislosure and personal experience.
Start With Science:
Dr. Arthur Arnon, a research professor at Stony Brook University in New York has been studying the mystery behind love and human interaction for years. One study in particular focused on interpersonal closeness — one way that we connect with each other and, for his study, with strangers (conducted in 1997). Within his study, he had strangers ask 36 questions designed to make them feel closer and deeply connected. The study itself looked at hormone levels and brain scans showing how the participant’s brain reacts to pictures of the person they shared the question and answer portion with.
”There’s a part of the brain known as the dopamine reward circuit which reacts a certain way when you’re in love. It’s the same part of the brain that reacts to cocaine — it responds to the potential for great reward.”
The questions were geared towards creating closeness with each set of 12 of the questions asking deeper questions than the last. The participants were then removed from that setting and later shown pictures of the person that they exchanged questions and answers with to study their physiological reactions to seeing someone they’d verbally connected with.
You ever wonder why apps like Bumble start you out with prompts? Sure, it’s to (1) get the conversation started; (2) give you an opportunity to showcase humor or uniqueness, but, it’s also a precursor to additional and hopefully deeper and more meaningful questions shared between the two of you.
but, let’s tie in travel
Why does it seem to be the case that we fall in love, and/or deeper in love when we’re somewhere else? Usually somewhere tropical!
Another thing that this study brings to light is the fact that, when traveling, we’re not stuck with the pressures of doing our day-to-day (i.e. working, answering phone calls/emails, answering to someone, cooking, cleaning, etc.). Sure, we may have an itinerary for our trip but that’s nothing like a day of back-to-back meetings from 8 to 6 p.m.
Traveling and especially vacationing, when done correctly, allow space and time to have the conversations and check-ins that the daily grind just don’t leave space for. It also opens the doors to deeper intimacy because who doesn’t want to kiss and touch someone that they’re about to be open to, talk to, and laugh with?
Traveling gives us the time together that the daily grind takes away.
let’s not forget…
The art of making memories together is simply something that drives our times.
A Psychology Today article cites to things like:
Shared experiences/lasting memories
Enhanced communication and decision-making skills
Escaping everyday stressors
These are all things that go into making traveling with your significant other that much more amazing. To be able to enjoy someone free from time constraints and obligations is not natural to most people’s daily experiences. So again, there’s time to talk, touch, engage with each other, make eye contact, read together, laugh together, etc.
Even when we make an effort to make time for these things while operating under the grind of our day-to-day schedules, we miss out on most of this because leaving work at 5 gets us home with just enough time to cook and get ready to do it all over again the next day. There’s just less time to connect.
Now Let’s Talk About Bree
I’m seriously not traveling again until I’m madly in love!
It’s not just a test of my connection with that person (seeing if we travel well together) but it’s also a test of how much I’m into them, how compatible we are from my view and where I am in life.
I don’t know where I’ve displayed, to myself, more growth than I have during times of travel. You encounter so many people, all in different spaces of whatever journeys they’re on, that interact with humans and the world differently.
There was a time when I thought there was no way that I could fit into that, mesh with that, or engage with that. But now, I’ve found that I’m the person that strangers love to tell their stories too. I’m the person that people are drawn to for conversation about life, changes in their cities, the world today, or even just my smile. I kind of like that about traveling, but back to the topic at hand!
For me, there’s something so beautifully breathtaking about seeing the world through the eyes and excitement of someone that I closely love.
I’ve said and felt this for so long, but I’m more excited when I travel with a love interest and get to explore new places with them and see the city through their eyes. No, I can’t actually see with their view, but I can see with their excitement, engagement, interaction, body language and so on. It’s also important to note their reactions to how people in a different city react to me.
All of these little beautiful things play a part in how well we, as a couple, can do together.
If I feel safe and comfortable roaming around an unknown city with you, then we may be on a good path.
So, travel and love may not be too distantly related and with my silent vow to travel each month of this year, I’m having a very good time testing this theory.
Best [travels… and love]
Bree 🩵
Note: Please note, many of us are not traveling to remote islands with our loved ones so have experiences that are intermingled with other similarly situated people experiencing the same joys and travels. Those of us flying to remote islands can also enjoy these same connections, just on a different scale.