Relationships

LVII: Practice Makes Imperfect...?

I AM NOT PERFECT, BUT I AM LEARNING.

I learn a lot from the people who I allow into my life.  Whether it be a good experience or a bad experience, I learn a lot.

So, this post is about a couple of the things that I have learned this year that I truly appreciate having had the opportunity to learn. 

THERE IS GOOD OUT THERE. 

So, I have an old co-worker, Josh, and I used to always walk by his office, bug him with dumb questions about his life and law, and pretty much just be annoying to him. 

Oddly enough, he took to my annoying ways and has become a good friend and person in my life.  

The part that shocks me the most is that he didn’t have to do this. But, I am glad that he did.

I have another friend, Ken, who I met when I first decided to apply to law school. He was this bright, beautiful souled person that constantly made me laugh and is geniunely caring. 

He listens, he cares and he gives the advice that no one else will. He’s REAL! Simply put. 

Having met people like the two just mentioned still shocks me. There  are  good people out there, and I know I shouldn’t be this shocked, but I am!  

These two give me hope. And I’m grateful to have that glimmer of hope that reminds me not to give up on people. 

SOME FRIENDS ARE REAL. 

Alicia is this fun-sized, adorably sweet, giving, caring, nurturing, dog-loving woman who I am blessed enough to call a friend. 

Over the years, we have refined our relationship and she’s shown me time and time again what it means to be a friend and what it means to have a friend. 

I’m often shocked by who she is and how she is, and it’s great. I aspire to be as good a friend as she is. 

Another great is Faith. I mean, have you ever met someone who was just like you but cooler? That’s Faith and I! 

He is this very quiet, but very outspoken, cool-dressing trendsetter who makes me laugh and hates juice! The joy that I feel just seeing him is insane. He is someone who I vibe with anywhere and anytime. I mean, I took him on his first trip to IKEA! We are forever bonded and he is forever a great friend.

YOU CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING. 

My biggest problem (apart from communication) is that I try to have control over every situation. 

I try to prevent situations from causing me pain by micro-managing them. I try to shape situations by grabbing them by the reins and controlling the direction of them.  

BUT, my friendship with Andre has taught me that you cannot control everything and you cannot control anyone. 

I often fear just letting situations play out because I believe that they will always end in the worst ways. Again, the realist in me forces me to follow the patterns of my life, like, it’s all that makes sense to me. If things have gone one way in the past, then they will go that way in the future. 

What an unhealthy way of thinking right? I KNOW! I’m learning, guys!  

This lesson is a tough one for me because it’s something like a two-fer! With learning that I cannot attempt to control, I also have to learn how to STOP TRYING TO CONTROL.

I have started this horrible habit out of complete fear from my past experiences. But now, after learning that I can lose people over this, I just want to forever rid myself of this need to control things.

I am no perfect person, perfect friend, perfect lover, or perfect example. But, I am practicing… I am practicing different ways to be a great friend. I am practicing ways to let go of my need to control. I am practicing seeing the good in all people.

I know that I will never perfect this, but I do plan on working on it.

So, in me, watch practice make imperfect.

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LV: A Post For 30-Year-Old Bree...

Since I’ve been working on getting back into my routine lifestyle, I’ve found that I’m more inclined to make a daily ‘To Do’ list. There’s always something so refreshing about scratching things off of that list, so, I’m making one for 30-year-old me! This is basically the list of things that Bree had better do at age 30 because she didn’t do it in her twenties.

Check it out! ⬇⬇⬇

1. BUY THE HOUSE 

I have wanted to buy a house for as long as I can remember. I’ve always wanted to be the one who hosted the holiday dinners and have family stay over while we all laugh and cram on the couch to watch sports (or the Nanny).

I want to decorate when the holidays roll around. I want to create open spaces where the light shines in creating the perfect reading nook. I just want to have the space to create the feel that I will wake up to each day. I see how excited I get when I change the rug and throw pillows in my living room so when I think of all that I can do with an actual home that’s mine, the joy overflows!

Now, maybe it’s just being in California that makes it seem as though buying a house is impossible on your own (and also while pursuing higher education), but from what I’ve heard, it kind of is impossible. Too much debt, you know, from the education that they tell you is worth it. Too many penalties for not being married, you know, in the world that wants everyone to exercise independence. And, you don’t make enough, you know, in the world that does not want to pay you when the work is worth it.

So many things stand in my way of buying a house, and have since college. But, for 30 year-old Bree, nothing is standing in her way. She’s gettin’ it!

2. TAKE THE TRIP

My bucket list is full of all of the beautiful places that I’ve been wanting to visit since college when I started it. My hesitation to travel usually comes in, however, when I lack a travel buddy that I can actually have fun with while we travel.

I’ve only been able to travel with one person that I thoroughly enjoyed throughout the whole trip. In my eyes, that person was my perfect travel partner, and this is all that I wait for to book trips! But, 30 year-old Bree won’t need a travel partner! The trips that I book will be just for me and not rely on who I travel with.

So, it’s time to knock a ton of these places off:

La Muerlla Roja, Spain

Michigan Shores

Philadelphia

Hawaii

Italy

Promise, Texas

Yosemite

Aruba

Tahiti

& more, I’m coming for ya! 

3. MAKE THE MOVE

I’ve been wanting to move to a different state for as long as I can remember.

To have traveled to so many great places and seen the different types of people in those places only makes that urge stronger.

I know that, by 30, I will be an attorney and will have taken the California Bar so my options regarding moving and working will be limited. But, I also know that this is not where I see myself making a life, or settling down.

I’ve stayed in this state at the request of others, but found that doing for others brings temporary joy… It’s fleeting. No one will make me happy but me, so if moving would make me happy (difficult as a change this big will be), I owe it to myself to make the move.

I don’t like being stagnant, and it seems like a lot of the people that I’ve let control my impulse to move just want me to be stagnant. I will not find happiness that way, and after this horrible year, I need to chase my own happiness. I have to come first and I’m not waiting until I’m 30 to do so. The saving starts as soon as possible, because I am moving on…

4. AS FOR LOVE…

You love too hard, and men your age aren’t ready (true for my 20’s and my 30’s I’m sure).

Enjoy your thirties. Travel. Take advantage of family time. Start that business. Build that new life in that new location! Decorate your beautiful house.

Love can wait another decade.

[Although I have recently found that I am ready to open my heart up to love... But, along with this, I’ve found that I also have a world of work to do on myself before being ready for the man that I deserve.] 

 5. DON’T CHANGE for, or because of, ANYONE!

I’ve mentioned it before: when I was younger, I didn’t feel free to be me, to say what I wanted, to do what I wanted (within reason), and to be who I wanted to be.

When I finally broke free from that, I began to stand, fully, in who I am. Yes, I am flawed. Yes, I have a mean streak. Yes, I am impatient and the list goes on! But, there is so much about me that makes me unique. I refuse to lose those things.

I like me the way that I am (even with all of the growing that I still have to do) and the right people will as well. They’ll respect me. They’ll be there for me. They’ll love me, and I them.

Don’t change for anyone, Bree. You’ve done enough bending and breaking for people who don’t even go the distance in your life and always prove to have been a big waste of time. Leave those fruitless situations alone, move past the pain, and don’t lose your light because of them.

The only change you make should be to make yourself better, and not for any other reason.


30 year-old Bree, you’ll be just fine. This life has thrown a multitude of happiness and a plethora of sadness at you. You’re ready for what’s to come. Just be sure to always GO FOR IT.

Also, remember, pain is always temporary, but regret is forever. 😉

XLVII: When Is It Right To Bring Him Home To Mama?

In such hasty times, how does one know when’s the right time to bring that special someone home to meet the parents?

I, personally, say that ‘the longer you can wait, the better’ (and I also feel the same way about introducing him/her to your friends)! But, there are definitely steps and signs to look for to determine whether you are both ready to Meet The Parents:

The Conversation:

Now, some guys do rush into things just as much as some girls do. When the rush is presented, it comes with the opportunity for the correct conversations to be had.

In other words, this is the open door to the talks about where your relationship is headed. Where I’m from, you don’t just introduce any old body to your family, so, in having the appropriate conversations, you ensure that you’re not invited someone into you and your family’s life who doesn’t deserve to be there.

This conversation will look many ways, but the main goal here is to at least talk about it. In talking about it, it is important to weigh the pros and cons of introducing your significant other to your family, it is important to discuss why you even believe that it is time to introduce one another to the family, and it is important because each person can then know what to expect once the family has been introduced and what the next steps for the couple will be.

So, have the conversation! It’s so necessary and it will open the door to truths about whether Meeting The Parents is the correct “next step” in your relationship. 

The Choice:

Sometimes we just convince ourselves that:

(1) we’re great together so there’s no way that this won’t last;

(2) we’re in love and this is what we want; and/or

(3) we’ve made it this far, we might as well go the distance.

This impatience is surely to be to your own detriment. I’ve rushed into introducing someone who is now (of course) an ex to my family and I completely regret it. I cherish my family so much, and when I was finally shown who my ex really was, it was so disappointing for me to have introduced such a horrible person to my flock of great people.

So, although your significant other may seem to be so enticing, so smart, so beautiful, so perfect now, be wary until you truly know this person before bringing them home. Protect your family from him/her by getting to know who you’re dealing with before choosing to make MTP the next step in your relationship.

The Coincidence:

Sometimes we accidentally Meet The Parents!

You know, that awkward run in, or the emergency that removes you from the comfort of your date night and places you smack dab in the emergency waiting room with all of your family and your newest beau.

This situation is often unavoidable, so order your steps carefully following this initial encounter.

The Commitment:  

In my opinion, the best time to introduce him/her to the family is when you’ve both committed yourselves to each other. At this point, you both know that you’re serious about each other, you’ve chosen to be faithful to each other, to respect and love each other, to support each other & to put each other first, etc. This is when it’s REAL.

At this point, there should be no doubts in the minds of either party and you both should know each others ins and outs, love languages, wants and needs, modes of communication, etc. You know who you’re dealing with at this point.

The only con to waiting this long is that you run the risk of your family not liking him or her. But, by this point, the idea is that you’ve put your significant other through an intensive vetting process and there’s no way that you could love some that your family doesn’t (unless they are choosing not to for other reasons). 


Good luck to all of the couples out there taking this big step! I wish you all the best.

XXXVII: Have You No Shame?

Before I start this rant, I want it to be crystal clear why it’s happening. This is happening because I am sick and tired of seeing people smile to my face only to talk behind my back; I’m tired of people telling me how much they appreciate my honest nature and then crying about it when it’s a truth that they don’t like; and, I’m so tired of seeing you guys whose lives I’ve seen in person, live completely different lives on social media. So I guess this is for all of you insecure jealous types that have nothing better to do with your time other than TRY to tear other people down. I can assure you that if your life already sucks enough for you to be acting this way, then there are plenty of other things that should be occupying your time right now, no? 

Now, Lets Start Here:

I know who I am. 

It took me years to become comfortable with the fact that I'd rather tell the truth at all times, than lie and sugarcoat; I'd rather have my own style than follow what I see on television; and I'd rather 'be' as opposed to talking about being. 

A lot of people are still lacking in these lessons, and this results in them projecting their own insecurities about their many shortfalls onto those of us who know who we are. Now, for some reason, people nearest me have gotten me confused, lately, with someone who is willing to put up with their side-eyes because they settled (well, were settled for), and their snark comments because they'd rather lie and gossip about everyone and everything than just live happy freaking lives.

My advice to you guys is to learn yourselves... Cherish yourselves... Love yourselves... THEN, you won't spend your time trying to tear other people down. You won't spend your time giving your altered side of the story to your 'friends' who are too afraid to tell you the realities of your situation but instead just sit and nod in agreement with your bad decisions and lies. You all need help, you're all toxic and you should stay far away from me until you get the help that you so desperately need. 

Lets Follow That Up With: 

I know my worth. 

I watch a lot of you insecure types settle for way less than what you (possibly) deserve. You clearly don't know your worth! You're okay with being lied to time after time, you're okay with being the liar! You lack morals. You lack values. You lack substance and yet you want to squint your eyes in my direction as if you could honestly step to me on the same level. You simply cannot.

You want #relationshipgoals and #friendgoals with people that treat you like you're disposable. You're selling the perfect picture to all who will buy. News flash, I'm not! I get it when a situation breaks you down and you want a friend or a lover to change, so you put up with a little bit more than you should while that person, "does better for you". We all know that they will not change. You're not worth the change to them and that's why they did this to you in the first place! The quicker you can get that through your head, the better. Also, the sooner you'll realize that there are so many people in this world that you should NEVER settle for the one who cannot figure out how to treat you right the first time. 

I've been there and I know that taking care of me is much more important than that little piece of my brain that says that 'I don't want to be alone'. I'm sorry that you all listen to that little voice and choose to settle for the trash covered in flowers that you do, but that's not the case over here. I know what I want. I know what I deserve. And, I don't settle -- not with friends, not with lovers, and not with your side eyes. So, save those, and use that energy to learn your worth so that you can elevate your circle and quit lying about "#FriendGoals" that nobody should ever actually strive for. 

DO BETTER.

And, Let’s Finish With: 

I am not taking your crap. At all! 

Don't let the professional fool you. I’m definitely not taking any crap from people who don’t demand respect from everyone in their circle, who don’t respect themselves, and who don’t even know who they are, so if you fit into any of these categories, whether you admit it to yourself or not, stay out of my way.

I do not have the time, at this age, for toxic and enabling people like the above-mentioned. Y'all literally drain my energy. I'm mellow as it is, but you guys take me (the cynic) down. If that happens, then you should know that you're wrong!

Just know that I've been very nice for a long time, and I've let people disrespect me in an attempt to keep the peace and remain professional, but trust and believe, there are ways for me to demand respect and remain an adult about it. I'm definitely not keeping quiet anymore, so beware. 

Now, I feel sorry for every boy and girl that fits into the categories listed above but that empathy wanes when y'all start disrespecting people that have done nothing to you but are openly loving on and forgiving those who have done you wrong. 

Have some shame. Learn to value yourselves, and maybe your life will become the light that you already pretend it is.

In short, do better... to each other and to yourself.