CXII: This Truly Isn't Healthy...
DO NOT REQUEST OF OTHERS WHAT YOU, YOURSELF, CANNOT DO.
It is so unhealthy when people (whether we’re talking parents, children, aunts or uncles) place unreal expectations on you.
As I try to find some sort of balance in what will be a very busy upcoming couple of months, I’m noticing old and unnecessary pressures slowing rolling back into my life. Again, this is coming at a time when I absolutely do not need it. I’m at a point where I’m needing to make things happen in my life so that I can actually start to feel like I have a life. So, I just need a bit of inner peace which I can’t get if people on the outside continue to disrupt it.
What I mean by this is:
There are some people that you are to remain in contact with. Those people are family. If you’re like me at all then family values are everything. BUT, when family calls you today about a non-issue from yesterday, it’s quite disruptive to your peace. And arguably a disruption that you can’t ignore (if family means anything to you). So now here you are today, bothered by something that wasn’t even a problem to you from yesterday and its not healthy!
Calling someone and requesting that people take away things that are innate to humans is (1) a waste of time and (2) an unhealthy, unrealistic request to make of someone.
An example of this from my life would be one of my parents requesting that I never argue with one of my siblings (of which I have 4). This is the most unrealistic request to make of someone. And it’s one that neither of my parents can even accomplish, so why request it of me?
This is asking that I take something innate to humans given our different make-up and different minds that you’re asking me to change. I simply can’t do that. Humans are going to disagree because we’re (1) made differently, (2) we have different minds, (3) we differ in personalities and the list goes on. How could one request or put the pressure on me to never argue with my sibling again?
Now, if we were throwing chairs at each other and it was WWE Smackdown in that joint, then I would completely get this request! But you’re talking about siblings who love the heck out of each other, are always around each other, and you’re acting like one non-argument will completely alter our relationship forever.
YOU’VE GOT TO EXIT FANTASY LAND AND BE MORE REALISTIC WITH YOUR REQUESTS OF OTHERS!
Some people completely internalize what others say to them. So when someone forms an ill-founded or idiotic request and brings it to that person, that could be quite disruptive to whatever they have going on. And trust me, people always have things outside of YOU going on!
MY ADVICE/MESSAGE FROM THIS WHOLE SCENARIO IS:
I continuously want to ask that, in this completely selfish world, we continue each day to try and think out our steps before we take them so that we aren’t constantly disrupting someone else’s peace.
I know that many of us see thinking something through as a long drawn out process but it truly doesn’t have to be. It literally takes two seconds to consider how that phone call, that interaction, that email will effect the person that you’re calling… ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE FAMILY! You know what that person may have on his/her plate, and you know what may send them over the edge. So maybe for once, keep it to yourself! I promise it’ll do much less harm holding onto that request than putting it out there would.
I’m simply trying to impart little nuggets of change and introspection into people in ways that I have also needed to change or look within in an attempt to collectively just be better. I can’t change the world in one fell swoop, but I can change it in mini-paces.
#LetsBeBetter