Mindfulness

XCIX: Love Doesn't Always Win!

We are raised with the fairy tale versions of love and romance. Disney tells us watered-down versions of tragic stories that somehow end in love and not the tragedy that they really ended in, and television shows sell us versions of life that simply don’t exist anymore.

THE REALITY IS…

Rarely do you end up with the love of your life. Rarely do you end up not regretting your ultimate choices. What we miss in all of the Disney stories and TV shows is the fact that reality is much different. When you fight and that loneliness kicks in, the vulnerability kicks in harder and mistakes are made.

When you think that there is no fix to your relationship — because who shows up at your window with a radio playing you guys’ song anymore and apologizing — you take the easy road and you quit because there’s always someone who is also alone who will “help you through your break up”.

Next thing you know, you’re married and regret everything. Love does not “always win” anymore.

RESPONSIBILITY, TIMING, EASE, AND COMFORT ARE THE REAL WINNERS!

Responsibility

Sometimes, doing the right thing is hard and it means hurting 1, 2, or 3 people to ‘be the bigger person’. Sometimes you have to lose everything in the name of being responsible. And sometimes you have to live out everyday knowing full-well what you’ve done and why you’ve done it — you’re stuck. Not in love, but in life…

Timing

The less time you have to spend actually hurting, reflecting and healing, the better, right? These days lazy is the default.

I mean, who wants to sit around and think about the hurt that they’ve caused or actually grow up when they can just scroll down social media or look around and find someone who also doesn’t want to be alone. Next thing you know, we’re calling a fling of convenience “heaven sent” and timing wins again.

Ease

Don’t even have me ramble on in this section, we all know that we are sliding, full force, into the time of ease. Whatever’s easiest is usually the choice for MANY people, and, I mean, in the age of everyone needing attention there are very few people making things anything other than easy.

Comfort

Comfort kills.

And the thing about it is that the first thing that many people say is that they live outside of their comfort zones. But, I guarantee that if you spend one month with them (and not even that long) you will soon see that their comfort zone is their home. It’s all they know. And they are only fooling themselves.

Comfort is what keeps a lot of people where they are. It keeps them for going for what they actually want. It keeps them from trying. It keeps them from being honest. It keeps them from bliss.

But, let them tell it, 🎶comfort don’t live here anymore🎶. Lies.

WITH THESE THINGS BEING THE FACTS OF OUR DAY…

I don’t know whether I’m in full support of leaving any and all situations when they aren’t right or fighting for what you have. I can tell you that I used to fully advocate for fighting for what’s yours, fighting for what you’ve worked at, fighting for “love”.

But…

These days, people are so selfish with their decisions that they really make you have to fight for something that you should have already had! They’re so selfish that they expect any and all of their bad actions to go unpunished. They’re so selfish…

These days, all relationships give me pause — friendships, dating relationships, significant others, etc., with the way a lot of people play, I’ve learned that this game/joke that they’ve made out of love is NOT FOR ME.

so, I DON’T KNOW WHO NEEDS TO HEAR THIS, BUT:

Don’t be their fallback plan.

Don’t be their second choice.

Don’t be the reason that they’re “stuck”.

Don’t be the one who makes your children suffer through a bad marriage just to keep a marriage.

Don’t be the one who ignores all of the signs.

Don’t believe that love won’t knock on your door again.

Don’t convince yourself that you don’t deserve more.

Check yourself.

Check your spouse/partner/bf/gf.

Be real with yourself.

Be real with others.

Keep your head up.

Don’t you ever forget that Love is a privilege reserved for the victor.
— Eli Pope

XC: How Social Media Has Killed My Chance At A Peaceful Existence?

First off, OD! If you know me personally then you know that I am extreme when it comes to certain things and sayings. This is one of them, so I’ll start with the disclaimers:

  1. I am obviously existing. Now whether or not that is peaceful has been up to my mind lately.

  2. I cannot fully blame social media because the inventors and innovators that got this thing up and running are obviously geniuses. They are not the ones who told us to use social media for the trash that a lot of us do! I’m just saying…

  3. I’m sure that once all that I am currently feeling has had its chance to pass, I will reach a period of something-like-peace and something-like-happiness, but right now, I am suffering at the hands of all who sign onto these enticing apps (more drama — you see how this is an addiction? Lol, moving forward).

Social media has taken so much from us and also given us a ton, but this post is about what it’s taken away:

One: OUR EMPATHY

With the recent passing of Nipsey Hussle, we’ve had hours upon hours of footage, posts, comments, screenshots, and so on of his final moments or peoples thoughts on the events or conspiracy theories about why this horrible event happened.

Yes, we see the posts of those who knew him mourning the loss of their friend, mentor, and family member but the fact that the video of him lying lifeless on the ground is being shared thousands of times and the fact that people are tagging his wife in these pictures and videos shows that we, as a people, are missing something essential…

It seems as though many of us act out with the thought of a like or a comment before checking our effect on others first. The big picture is that someone lost their life mate, someone else lost their father, another person lost their son, but people’s first thought is usually to capitalize on it. Why?

TWO: OUR HONESTY

Many on social media are known for putting on airs about the goings ons of their lives. That or they are adding fake-deep captions to stock images found online, vain images from the multitude of selfies in their camera rolls, or onto plain black backgrounds.

We love to convince ourselves that we are more than what we really are, don’t we?

I’ll never understand this and maybe it’s because I am too honest with myself, but people will lie until they make themselves believe it. They will lie to get their way. They will lie to get what they want. And, they will lie to get to the top.

But, imagine a time where you just work hard and your work speaks in the place of your lies. Imagine a world where you don’t have to keep up with the facade that you’ve been living. Just imagine…

Social media is a place where it’s so easy to fake it. Filters, tags, followers, etc. make it easy and even appealing to lie, but imagine how much more influential you could be living out your real, honest-to-goodness, truth.

THREE: OUR ABILITY TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT

I used to be afraid of missing moments. I’m the person that loves to add special moments to my photo album with a brief description of what happened, who I was with, and what those moments made me feel, but, in being that person, I had to live my life through my lens or on my phone. Although my reasoning for wanting to live this way makes sense during the times that I’m adding the pictures to my album, these same reasons don’t make sense once I’ve thought about it.

Many of the moments that I allow myself to have are worth being in fully. So whether or not I want to capture them so that I can relive them later doesn’t matter! There is no experience like what you are currently experiencing!

But, you can’t have that joy if you’re constantly taking selfies into your phones camera, and you can’t have that joy if you’re too busy watching other people’s lives play out instead of living your own.

BUT, LET’S DISCUSS MY PEACE:

I decided to write this post because there are times where social media becomes so overwhelming for me. And, by that, I mean that I cannot stop flipping from one news story to the next. I’ll see news on something tragic like a plane crash, flip over to another source writing on a kidnapping, and then a story pops up about a 21-year-old college student being killed by someone who she mistakingly believed to be her Uber driver, and THEN news about an influential musical and charitable genius being gunned down in the community that he’s given so much to.

It gets overwhelming and those are the times that my peace starts to feel shaken.

And, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Well, just don’t look at the news stories”, and I’m just going to say that I wish it were that easy…

I know that many reach points of uneasiness because of social media, and I know that you get to this point for ranging reasons, but I’m just here to say DON’T BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR PHONES DOWN AND LIVE IN THE MOMENTS.