Work and Trauma

This just seems to be the month on mental health and wellness because we are covering all of the topics lately! Today’s topic is work and trauma.

Work, when toxic, can leave lasting effects on who you are as a professional, the jobs that you'll feel comfortable applying for, and your search criteria.

Let’s start with a basic definition of this “toxic workplace environment”… No, I don’t mean toxic as in ‘you don’t like your boss so it’s toxic’.

No, no! I mean, you have a boss or a coworker who is engaging in egregious behaviors to include racism, retaliation, habitual lying and fabrication, harassment and discrimination. This is what I mean by “toxic” and while I hope this is not a part of your workplace experience, a reality is that this happens to a lot of people who end up feeling lost, helpless and alone.

The biggest change: Interviewing

I was never superb at interviews but I was effective enough to land some of the jobs that I’ve wanted over the years.

Now, however, I see amazing opportunities staring me in the face but realize that I’m literally terrified that I’ll be repeating history within a new company, with new people.

I end up telling interviewers stories that I had no intention of telling them about the horrors of working for crooked people and agencies. No amount of planning and preparation can stop the spillage that occurs when an interview question triggers a terrible situation with a past employer.

I am now staring at what is currently a dream-job in a dream location that’s been potentially squandered because of how the irresponsible actions of those who came before have scarred me.

Now, I have full control over healing following a traumatic or crazy event, but sometimes we don’t know that the event had such an affect until we are triggered in the moment. Sad thing for me, I may have found out during an interview for a job that I truly want that could be the positive change in my life that I’ve been searching for for years. I digress…

How does this change your job search?

Being in a toxic workplace is dangerous because it chips away at your confidence. It chips away at your motivations and it changes your perspective.

For me, being in this environment put me into a flight-or-fight mode wherein I was constantly just looking for and taking the next gig. I couldn’t put thought into what my next steps would be because I had other needs first — i.e. it costs to live any-and-everywhere.

Again, I’ve landed on the job that I currently want and am just hoping that the stars align on it and all of the changes that taking it will bring! So, while I’m not actively in the world of searching, I do know what my searches need to include…

My job search nowadays is hopefully taking my education, skills, and abilities into account (even though I tend to forget various skills). Now that I’m done with school, I don’t have to take jobs that require less thought just so that I can split my attention between work and school. I can take on jobs that I desire where I know growth is a must and each day offers fast-paced work that relies solely upon me and my work ethic. And, I can be the leader that I know that I am meant to be.

How does this change my attitude about work?

Overall, I am afraid of the workforce these days. There seem to be so many jobs but no opportunities. There are also a lot of managers but no leaders. There’s a lot of spaces for growth but even more people hoping to hold back the growth of others.

When did it become so intimidating for a team of workers to win together?

We’re sandwiched between older generations and younger generations whose ideas of “work” are vastly different (a story for another post).

Truly, I plan to continue to search for the perfect career where I belong, feel valued and can simply earn a check and then go home. A virtue that we really take for granted when we have it, but coming from someone who has “had it” maybe once in life, it’s all that I want!

I say this all the time because I truly believe it:

The reward for perseverance isn’t more struggle — it’s triumph.

In law school, I told myself that a day would come where I’m able to go to work, come home, get a paycheck and live (meaning have fun and help my family). While I’m still waiting for that day, I just want to note that I am still hopeful about it’s future presence in my life. I’m doing my absolute best to find optimism in all of this honesty.

I’m still hopeful that soon this story will get good.

Best,
Bree 🩵