What Does It Mean To Be At Peace?
Since hitting my 30s, I’ve truly done work to calm the storm that’s always brewing in my mind. I am always running the race of working harder, learning more, lifting heavier, being better, trying more, going more, seeing more, and doing more — never, with this mindset, is enough, enough.
What Does “Peace” Mean to me?
To me, being at peace is being able to sit still.
It’s rare that I can sit still without thinking of all of the things that I have to do or have to know.
Lately, however, I’ve been making it a point to meditate each morning. I don’t make it a gimmicky “self-care hack”, or do it for Instagram. I literally just make it a point to ground myself in the moment, peace and quiet, and in the practice of slowing my mind each morning.
Two minutes of this everyday has truly changed the game for me!
I don’t do it because I saw it on socials. I don’t do it because I’m a therapist who knows the importance of mindfulness. I do it because, right now, it’s something that works for me. It helps in setting a clear path for my day; it helps to set the order of my priorities; and, sometimes, it just brings to the forefront what’s been bothering me. It’s honestly peaceful!
this is the thing about finding peace for yourself.
It doesn’t look like what you see scrolling down your timeline.
For some reason, my Instagram timeline has been filled with people that I don’t know at all and all I see are fetishized “self-care” routines and cute animals. The part that bothers me is obviously weeding through the fake self-care routines.
I see the same things over and over (none tailored):
lighting a candle
writing in planners (journals)
putting on sweatpants or tight workout clothes
opening a laptop
washing your face
Please, humor me, scroll down the timeline of the ‘selfcare’ hashtag and show me something different. You can’t because that’s what’s out there. Does this routine work for someone? Yes, absolutely! But with it, many of you aren’t doing anything outside of creating content and looking at your selves. It’s the biggest MISS out there.
I hate thinking that, as a society, we’re constantly missing the mark because we’re so caught up in the look of things. Instead of doing right by our minds and bodies, we’re doing things for the sole purpose of recognition and its apparent: it’s apparent in the way you communicate; it’s apparent in the way you act; it’s apparent in the way you move.
I say all of this to say that I have always taken the act of working on myself, on my mental health, and on how I reason through this world very seriously because all of these things shape me as a person and how I act in the world. If none of us are doing the work on ourselves or our mental health and are pretending for social media that we are, then what kind of hole will we be in in 10 years?
This tangent is an excellent example of how, even during my morning meditation, I try to take on the battles of the universe knowing that the only battle I should be fighting is for me.
If you’re actually on a journey to calm the mental calamity, or be zen or find peace, then you have to tailor it to you and it has to be for you.
Finding your own peace is an intimate process
… It’s not always meant to be shared with the world.
Don’t get me wrong! Some days, finding my peace means going to the gym and we all know, I love a progress pic! But things like actually sitting down and tapping into your deepest thoughts, desires and needs… that’s something for you. It’s something to help you better communicate desires and navigate connections. It’s something for you to find your voice; find your strength; find the power of knowing yourself outside of relationships and whoever you portray on social media.
A salient fact about me is that I like to go-it alone! I spend the bulk of my time by myself because I've been doing the work of understanding who I am for what feels like forever and I still don't think that I'm close (I also work a lot and focus better alone).
But what I can tell you is that because of this, I’m never afraid to be real with myself about a situation. In fact, I’m a little too real with myself about situations. I don’t have to question my worth when someone mistreats me. I don’t put up with being mistreated in general. I’m able to articulate my beliefs and thoughts and they don’t change based on who I’m talking to at the time.
I’m unwaveringly and unapologicically me. And I can honestly say this because I’ve worked for years to understand the person that I am.
This type of understanding came with peace and stillness. This is why I will continue to work, over time, to understand what it means for me to have peace while fully understanding that what worked for me at age 30 may not work at age 31.
This is an ongoing checks and balance system for yourself that you can hold yourself accountable for.
WE WAKE UP EACH DAY AND PRETEND, FOR STRANGERS, LIKE WE ARE CHECKING IN ON OURSELVES. I’M NOW ASKING US TO DO THIS FOR REAL AND FOR OURSELVES.