LXXXII: To Be A Man...

What on earth does it mean to be a man today?

Now I know that I am not a man, but I have been around enough, paid enough attention and seen enough men to be able to deduce a few things.

There Is A Social Pressure That Comes With Being A Man Today…

Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who do not believe that men also give into the social pressures around them.

But, I’m here to say that they definitely do.

Men are greatly influenced by the men that they surround themselves with, by the men that they see on social media who appear to be “prospering”, and by the presence or absence of the men in their families.

As far as the men in their circle is concerned, a lot of the times, if one of them has developed a mode of operation or a way of acting, a lot of the others will follow suit. I.e. if one of them says that it’s cool to womanize and jump from one woman to the next, then the others will do that as well. They may even be criticized by the males in their group if they don’t do that, hence, the pressure.

Like many others, men also find the lives of those on social media appealing. So much so that they begin to fashion their lives similar to the ones that they see portrayed online. I.e. one guy sees another guy gawking at the plethora of twerking females down their timelines and the ease at which they avail themselves to these men and, again, they follow suit.

Now, take this last one with a grain of salt because I can promise you that there are a lot of men out there who were raised in a two parent household that are still trash. BUT, usually when these men do not have a good male influence around them, they become products, instead, of their environments (meaning we’re basically left to have them be raised by rappers, music videos and reality television). 

Constant Expectation To Conceal What You Feel

Men are usually expected to be the “strong” ones and, in that strength, they are supposed to forego any emotions and keep a strong demeanor.

Whoever brought about this idiotic and childish idealism should definitely be run over by a runaway oxcart because this is the dumbest thing ever instilled into man.

This is the reason that MANY BOYS WILL NOT PROGRESS INTO MEN because they are harboring issues, pain, anger, doubt, and insecurities that they’ve been taught to brush under the rug instead of dealing with. This is devastating, to say the least, because it doesn’t teach men to process what is going on, or to evaluate their reactions to things in a way that doesn’t result in them hurting or damaging someone else.

They become toxic and completely blind to it, all while spreading that toxicity to whomever crosses their paths.

Stigma/Shame Attached To Loving A Woman

This world is funny in that, when a man treats a woman right and loves her deeply, he is labeled  “whooped”, “a whimp”, or “a sissy”.

Look at Russell Wilson — He is a praying man that actually lives the words that he reads in the Bible and is just out here treating a woman right. But, he is also one of the most heavily criticized men for this very behavior.

The way that men are supposed to be treating women is what gets them ridiculed because of the fact that the boys out here do not ever want to grow out of their selfish and childish ways.

This has got to stop!

There should be no shame in treating people right. There should be no negativity towards a man actually being a man when it comes to loving a woman, but I guess it’s easier to praise mediocrity than it is to just be great, huh?

Expectations Attached To Gender Roles

Men have to deal with a lot. Being the protector. Being the provider. The pressure to be whatever his family wanted him to be when he was a child. The pressures of schoolchildren. Bullies and the list goes on.

Men deal with a lot and they internalize most of it. They live in a constant state of, ‘I gotta figure this out quickly and remain strong’ which leaves no room for them to grieve when they are sad or to reevaluate when they’ve messed up.

It further damages the man.

As women loving these men, I believe that it is up to us to reassure them that they aren’t in this alone and that they have help. This world is difficult and, sometimes, all it takes is a strong woman by the side of a strong man. But it also takes the man, in all of his strength, to realize when he needs that strong woman.

The Pressure To “Be Someone Else” 

Guys tend to pretend when they initially meet people. I’ve come across a number of guys whose M.O. is to pretend to be similar to me in order to get past the big barrier around me that initially says ‘LEAVE ME BE’.

They spend so much of their time pretending to be who other people want them to be, all while convincing themselves that they aren’t, that forget that they are pretending in the first place. This only becomes painful when their true colors start to show.

I think that it’s important for men to get in tune with themselves so that they know when they are not actually being true to themselves. It is so easy to get lost in what your friends want you to be or what an easy girl wants you to be and completely lose yourself as a man.

I really don’t want to see anymore men go down this path because they lose that thing that makes them so special in the first place. When you have that, as a man, it is really something that should be held onto.

So, my prayer is that more men learn themselves so that they don’t lose themselves based on the ease of things around them.


As a woman, to try and understand what it is to be a man is to learn to forgive them for the lessons that they have yet to learn — no matter what pain it’s caused me. 

I am working on understanding so that I can forgive and no longer hurt from the men of my past.  

Being a man is difficult and filled with pressures, but being a man with pressures and asking for help or taking time to heal is harder. 

I commend all of the men out there who are trying. I commend all of the men out there who have learned from their mistakes as well as other’s mistakes. My hat is off to you guys & I want it to be known that some women understand the work that you do on yourselves on a daily basis.

This post is basically me saying:

Men, I see the work that a lot of you are doing and I’m so proud! Keep it up!

🖤

LXXXI: I Think I’ve Earned My Right To Not Be Okay With BS, Yes?

Someone asked that I write out this post so that I can get it all out and “feel better”.

I honestly do not believe that writing out this post will help me at all, but I do believe that it will help some of my close friends understand why I’ve been so distant.

I TEND TO DISTANCE MYSELF WHEN I’M AT A LOSS.

I am the type of person that believes that you can bring down other peoples’s mood with your mood, so I feel that, me feeling down daily will affect those around me. I, of course, do not like that. So, I distance myself. I don’t see the point in discussing the things that have gotten me down because it’s usually the case that, if I’m already at the point, then we’re past the time where something can be done about it.

A BIG PART OF THIS POST IS THE SIMPLE FACT THAT I GIVE UP ON EVERYTHING!

I am done with everything.

I have worked my butt off for decades at everything and everyone in my life. Doors were closed in my face, and I’d pivot and open new doors. I was told no, and I’d lift my head and make a ‘yes’ out of it. I was given lemons, I always made lemonade. I was given dead flowers and I turned them into a backdrop.

But, I am tired.

For years I’ve picked myself up, I’ve been my own hero. I’ve been my own biggest fan. I’ve been my own cheerleader. I’ve fought. I’ve studied. I’ve learned. I’ve tried. BUT I AM DONE.

I’ve worked myself to a point of knowing, wholeheartedly, that I deserve a break. So, I’m taking one.

I’m tired of having to pick myself up after other people’s disappointments. I’m tired of being stuck with the thought and memories of people who have no thoughts and memories of me. I am tired of wanting better for people who do not even want better for themselves.

SUPERHERO OFF DUTY.

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This superhero is now off duty. I do not want to be the strong Black woman who has it all together, who is always working her butt off at everything only to come second, and who gives her all to relationships only to end up not even knowing the person once it’s over.

For the time being, I am free.

There is very little that I care about and very little that I am going to do. Apart from studying and finishing up law school strong, I am done. I don’t care about anything. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to even talk to anyone. 🤷🏾‍♀️

BUT, WHY IS THIS OKAY?

In my opinion, this is okay because, the alternative is to lose my mind. I’d rather not allow the things and people of this world to make me insane. I’d rather do what I need to do to keep my sanity.

Realizing your limits is a very important thing. And person to person, those limits will look very different. For me, this is what it looks like when I’ve reached my limit. I literally have to throw my hands up regarding everything in my life and just let it all go.

I think that, as long as I explain to my readers why my content has been one-sided, and as long as I explain to my friends and family why I’ve been so distant then I’ve officially covered my bases and can begin to do what I need to do for me.

Luckily for my readers, I love blogging, so I will continue to blog, but apart from that, I’m off the grid. ✌🏾

LXXX:... Would I Have Any Regrets?

Life is unpredictable, and I oftentimes wonder if I’d have any regrets should I reach my last day.

Have I done everything that I’ve wanted? Did I say everything that I needed to everyone in my life? Did I love as hard as I could? And do the people that I love, appreciate, and admire know that I love, appreciate and admire them? 

Would I regret the fact that I haven’t even made it through half of my Bucketlist? Would I regret the fact that I have never found my passion?


I’ve always made it a point to try and live the life that I want. I’ve always walked to the beat of my own drum, I’ve used myself as a gauge for my progress and growth, and I’ve given my all to my friendships and relationships.

These are the things that I take the most pride in. But would others know that I’ve done all that I could to be a force for good in their lives? Would they know that I did all that I could to be the best friend, love, cousin, sister, daughter that I could possibly be? Would they know?

Would I feel that I’ve done all that I could in this life? Would I be able to say that I’ve touched enough lives? Have I been a good love to someone? Have I been a disappointment to someone? I have no clue, but there are a couple of things that I do know. 🤔


In this life, I’ve:

I: Seen Paris

II: Fallen In Love With Washington D.C.

III: Had Love, Many Times

🙄, Let’s be real! I’ve loved many times but was it returned? Obviously not considering the way they all go.

The goal is always to love and be loved, but Let’s Be Real, as we move more towards an easy and selfish existence, finding love is getting to be more and more impossible. People are there for the easy and fun part of the ride but they are gone the second things become work —- and this is definitely not love.

So, I doubt that I’ve experienced a returned or even real love, but I have definitely loved someone and there’s no greater [or scarier] feeling. 💕

IV: Had Bestfriends Galore

V: Eaten A Ton

VI: Seen Seattle

VII: Walked Through Huge Trees and Beautiful Snow In Virginia

VA

VIII: Learned To Ride A Bike(Twice)/Longboard

Now, things with wheels, apart from cars, are obviously not for me, but I like getting out there and trying new things. And, who could’ve known that seeing new cities by bike or longboard could be so exciting?!

Now, things with wheels, apart from cars, are obviously not for me, but I like getting out there and trying new things. And, who could’ve known that seeing new cities by bike or longboard could be so exciting?!

IX: Been A Wrestler

X: Been/Am A Ballet Dancer

My secret love that no one gets to see me do. 😉  Sometimes you just need something that’s all yours.

My secret love that no one gets to see me do. 😉

Sometimes you just need something that’s all yours.

XI: Been To du mussée du Louvre

XII: Had Many Regrets

So many people that I regret associating with; so much love that I regret giving; and so much pain that I regret causing and so much pain that I regret giving my time. But, without any of these things, I wouldn’t have learned so many lessons.

I’ll keep the past regrets, but I’m definitely on a mission to do better ALWAYS.


This post is just a reminder to myself to always say what I feel, do what I want, and love as hard as I possibly can. A lot of things and people in this world have turned me off to love and friendship in general, but I know that my love is valuable, my friendship is one-of-a-kind, and I am hilarious to be around.

Those who have chosen to walk out of my life and/or treat me wrong have chosen to do so solely on their own. BUT I REFUSE TO LET THEM BE THE REASON THAT I LEAVE THIS WORLD WITH ANY REGRETS.

So, have I found my true love? No.

Have I effected the amount of change on this world that I set out to? No.

Have I found my passion yet? No.

But, have I traveled, loved, smiled, eaten, and been unapologetically me? Absolutely.

So basically, I would gladly leave this world with no regrets. I hope you all can say the same. 🖤

LXXIX: Blogspiration!

“Where do you get the inspiration to write so many posts [over the years]?”

I get this question a lot!

Let’s call it “Blogspiration” and let’s say that it hits me at the most random of times! Now, I will start by saying that I have experienced multiple droughts where I just had absolutely nothing in the Creative Tank and just felt like such a loser for it. And then I’ve had times where I fully accepted that I had no new ideas and would rather skip a week than put out content that I don’t even like.

But, for the most part, inspiration for a new blog post strikes me as life happens!

For those who don’t know, I started my blog because I had kept a journal for as long as I can remember but felt as though my experiences and thoughts were relatable! So, I took to the streets with my thoughts and, to my surprise, they’ve been very well received.

Life, as I’ve experienced it, has been a crazy stream of goods and bads; crazies and calms; and adores and detests. So, my blog reflects much of that.

There are times when inspiration for a new post sparks while I’m at a grocery store and I just pull out my phone and put the title of the post in. Luckily for me and the way that I work, all I need is a blog post title and I can usually take it from there. The ideas just flow.

But, for bloggers out there struggling, here are some topics that I’ve covered and some that I haven’t. My hope is that this post will be helpful to any of you out there who may be suffering in the “new post” department:

new post topic ideas:

  • Favorite Youtubers/Instagram Accts

  • Diet and Exercise - always big topics

  • Product Review Posts!

  • Pop Culture

  • Politics 🙄

  • Fitness Goals/Updates

  • Law-Related Posts (which I plan on doing more of)

  • DIY Projects

  • Home Decor via Pinterest

  • Top 5 Pinterest Accts to Follow

  • Best Holiday Travel Locations

  • Tips for Other Bloggers

topics I’ve tackled:

  • Beauty product reviews

  • Winery reviews

  • Movie Theater Woes

  • Television

  • Body Image

  • Clothes Reviews

  • Self-Worth

  • Health & Wellness

  • Fitness

  • PR Opportunities

  • Food

  • Travel

  • Holidays

Hopefully this post was helpful to those of you who are currently on a blogging journey!

Happy Publishing! 🖤

LXXVIII: What Happened During The Week That I Said "Yes" To Everything?

Okay, I’m going to start by saying that realistically, I could not say ‘yes’ to everything because this week just so happens to be the week that I got the world’s craziest requests. But, my “Yes Week” is just another way that I like to switch things up for myself.

As many of my readers know, I am a very routine person. I do not like to stray too far from this routine, because it usually results in disaster, but sometimes, I take weeks out where I do things that I don’t normally do so that I don’t drive myself crazy with my routine (i.e. “eat my feelings week” during the first week of school where I eat whatever I want all week).

My Yes Week started with a bunch of agreeing to run errands with my co-worker since she decided to abuse my Yes Week completely (LOL!). It ended with my anti-social self agreeing to go out to a popular rooftop bar in the downtown area of my city. I actually ended up going twice.

Now, this is insane for me because, normally, I steer clear of groups of people and forced conversation (or any conversation, really). But, I must admit, it was enjoyable to get out and chat with other types of people. In my life, as it stands, I talk to a ton of people who are into law so the majority of our conversations are about law or, honestly, just a bunch of lies about themselves. That definitely gets boring!

Now, I won’t lie and say that while out we still didn’t run into “lawyers” who only wanted to talk about law because it definitely happened twice during my Yes Week! But, I will say that it is refreshing to not see the same people that I see day in and day out while within my routine.

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Because of this week, I ended up: going out twice, giving out my number more than I wanted to, making more “new ‘friends’” than I can name, dancing, laughing, eating [a lot], dressing up, getting out of the house, keeping my phone off of Do Not Disturb for the week, and, for one weekend, forgetting all that was going on in my little world.

A lot of good came from Yes Week that otherwise would not have happened. And, although all of the communication and smiling from that week had me exhausted, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and wouldn’t mind possibly doing it again. Just not any time soon.

One thing to remember for my next Yes Week is that I should not tell people that I am having a Yes Week otherwise, they will definitely ask any and everything of me and then before you know it I’ll be married to a stranger with a cat named Clevis (not speaking from experience).

I recommend that you all give Yes Week a try, and that you let me know how it goes.