Motivation

XXVI: Women Empowerment - Are You Helping Us Or Hurting Us?

I am, by no means, a feminist. Don't get me wrong, I am all for the equality of the sexes and  women's rights, but I have not hit the streets for the cause, nor have I engaged in any heated social media rants about social injustices faced by women, BUT, I do believe in doing my part, as a woman, to uplift other women. 

Many people have no clue how difficult it is just being a woman. There are so many things that women face on a daily basis that (some of us) mask, or work through just so that we can secure a seat at the table that was probably made for men and by men.

emotions

For many of us, emotions are difficult. We work to control them. We work to conceal them. And, unfortunately, we open ourselves up and allow others to indulge in them (or do with them what they please). 

I am a woman who conceals a lot of the things that I feel. I keep my feelings as basic as hunger (yes, it's a feeling to me) and anger. Anything beyond these things, are debilitating to me and therefore are a threat to me all due to the fact that I was once very open with my feelings. I was open to friends, family, and past loves, but I've been shown time and time again that that was a mistake. I am of the belief that if you show me a pattern, I’ll believe in it. So instead of being open with my feelings over and over, I closed them off almost completely.

Other women deal with emotions in more healthy ways.  This means, however, that they are bogged down by the emotions that they cannot change, and sometimes cannot control. They work through this to be the strong mothers for their growing children, or to be everything to their friends and families, but this means that they put their feelings on the back burner until the breaking point shows its ugly little head. 

So, as women, are we helping each other or hurting each other by being petty, catty or callous when we could simply use that energy to check in? We could use that energy to make sure that that person is not struggling with their own personal demons and emotions. And, if we're sincere about it, that person may even open up to us. That person may find a safe space in us. And that may blossom into the best and most unexpected friendship. 

peers

Law school is competitive. Everyone knows this, but even with it's competitive nature, it is our job to still uplift those in the trenches with us. 

I see how the competitiveness inherent in law school ruins people's perception of others and keeps us from making the connections that (1) may be helpful in the future, and (2) could blossom into beautiful friendships. But, I am all about taking a step back and remembering that we are all humans with feelings and we are all dealing with life in varying degrees and fashions. So, instead of first deciding to be catty, rude, or judgmental with our peers, we should give them a chance. Trust me, humans are only humans, so they will definitely give you a reason not to trust them somewhere down the road. But, until that's happened, try not to judge others based on your own personal insecurities, inadequacies, or inabilities. 

Take the catty and competitive out of things and be empowered by the fact that you're standing triumphant next to another woman who is also standing triumphant. "We all made it to this point, so let's celebrate that", should be the mindset at all times. 

love

Although I want no parts of it, a lot of people seem to. And although I find myself doing this too, it is important for us to remove ourselves from other people's situations just so we have a talking point and just be there as a friend and a listening ear. If we are not able to listen to a friend's relationship problems or feelings without taking it to judgmental levels, then (1) we don't need to be that person's friend and (2) we have to check ourselves. 

Love is hard. Relationships are hard. And sometimes you just need a listening ear that actually cares. As women, we should have a better understanding of the effects that a relationship can have on us. We should have an understanding of the attachments and connections that, once formed, are hard to let go of. And, we should have an understanding of a love lost. These things are hard to work through, trust me. So, if you're called on to be a listening ear, or a friend, then try to be that full-time. Don't take off the "friend hat" just to try on the "gossip hat." I promise you, the former is a million times more worth it.

 

Women - we are a force. We are necessary. We are amazing. But, let's face it, we need each other. 

There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.
— Michelle Obama

XXIV: All About Energy?

en•er•gy

/ˈenərjē/

1. The strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity.


Energy, something we could all use more of and something we could benefit from lessons in. I, for one, could benefit from lessons on the energy that I put out into the world and from lessons on how I receive the energy that others put out into the world.

I took a short trip this weekend and, leading up to the trip, I was surrounded by nothing but bad and negative energy. I was angered by it and saddened by it. I let that ruin my outlook on how the remainder of my trip would go and I let it ruin my outlook on myself, as I often do. I wondered why the people in my life act the way that they do towards me when I do everything in my power to be there for them whenever they need. These are things that I often internalize, but I am just now realizing the dark cloud that tucking these things away can place over my day-to-day actions and feelings. 

Although I cannot be conscious about this energy and the negativity for others, I can control my reaction to it. People tell me over and over to just accept the fact that the world is not full of helpful people, or honest people, or good friends, or loving family members. It's just not. People aren't being raised with those values anymore, so it is time to shift my expectations to reduce my disappointments. But really, it's just time for me to change the ways that I receive their negative energy. 

Now, regarding the energy that I put out into the world: I love to eat and I love to laugh. If I can do those two things, then I am as happy as can be. In-between those things, I am working or at school/stressing about school. This means that I am not walking around smiling and joking, but this does not mean that I am not happy. 

Because this is such a confusing area for some to understand, I have step back and consider whether or not I am putting out negative energy by having others question my happiness when I am not waltzing around with a smile plastered on my face. 

At this point, I feel as though it is important that I do not put out the same energy that I receive from many others in the hopes that it will influence or inspire one other person to do the same. To start a trend of caring for others, being there for others, and actual good vibes would be epic at this point. So, let's consider this an energy check and a call for action!

IV: What If I Am Not Good At It?

Welcome & hello ALL you beautiful souls!

I’m new to the blogging game and will act as a contributor on this site by discussing an array of topics – ranging from motherhood and relationships to marriage as well as my own personal growth.  Every now and again, I’ll discuss my love for all things makeup, art and hopefully my posts will provide both encouragement and inspiration to everyone who reads. All of us carry silent struggles, and sometimes we need to hear or read a gentle word to lift our spirit. As such, I hope my contributions will serve that purpose.

I was initially hesitant about contributing to the blog since cyberspace is ruthless and I’ve now made possible the opportunity to be openly criticized for my thoughts once they hit your computer screens. Nevertheless, I trudge ahead with the opportunity because far too often I find myself sticking to what is comfortable and safe.

Unfortunately, I believe that in doing so, we limit our experiences and in essence hinder our ability to grow. I can remember the countless times I opted for applying to law school programs that I just knew I’d get into, rather than applying for more highly regarded institutions where I wasn’t as confident of a favorable outcome. Who knows what opportunities I’ve missed out on by making the safer choice? Regardless of circumstance, be it applying for a new job/promotion opportunity at work, trying something new, choosing institutions to further education, or deciding to speak to someone you find attractive – give it a shot anyway.

Rejection is something that many of us fear and would rather not deal with, but it is a necessary component of life. I remember graduating from college and my mother would tell me to apply for all sorts of jobs that I thought I wouldn’t get because I lacked experience.

“Try anyway, the most anyone can tell you is “No.”

That’s what she would tell me. And I’ve taken her advice and applied it to several other areas where I lack confidence. The more that I actively put myself into uncomfortable situations, the easier it became to handle rejection and no longer allow it to discourage me. So, regardless of what it is - a job, an attractive man/woman, an opportunity for advancement, doing something you have a passion for but you’re uncertain of actual success – don’t limit yourself. Put your best foot forward, try, give 100% and let the chips fall where they may.

It’s this adaption to my own mindset that has caused me to leave shallow water and wade out into the deep. To place my thoughts on the canvas of the internet and invite you all into my world. If you’ve gone out and tried something new today or later on in the week, feel free to come back and let us know of your experience! We’d love to hear from you!  I’m excited and I look forward to your responses!