Let's Love

LXXVII: Have I Called A Post 'Love' Yet?

If I were to choose a Love Language, then it would definitely be in line with Gifting. Not so much receiving gifts, but definitely giving gifts.

Because I am not as physically and verbally expressive as most, I tend to show affection, appreciation, love, and friendship via gifts instead.

FOR ACQUAINTANCES:

I’ve found that I am an odd breed of person because I don’t even have to know everything about you to think of you and get you a gift if I think that it is fitting for you.

There have been instances where I just met a person and in one of our conversations they mentioned that they were a huge fan of something random. And then one day I am in a store and see a trinket in line with that thing and I grab it for them!

That’s just me! Oddly enough, the people who have crossed my path these last couple of years obviously haven’t had giving people in their lives because, when it’s a gift to a guy, he thinks I’m proposing marriage, and when it’s a girl, she thinks I want to be her best-friend! And trust me, neither of these are ever the case.

For this, I feel so badly that they’ve never had a nice person in their lives and am always happy to be the first! But, I’ve also found that these are usually glimpses into more narcissistic or egotistic character traits that I do not need to align myself with, so I let these people pass me by — gift or no gift.

But lucky for them, they were a thought at some point! Making someone feel special is something that brings a joy unlike any other type of joy, especially to me. Give it a try sometime in whatever your Love Language may be.

For Friends:

The majority of my friends receive gifts like random flowers, tickets to things, gift cards or food.

To me, food is a bond and when I can share that bond with others, then I usually can tell that we’ve crossed that boundary into actual friendship. But, I always say, if I can’t even eat in front of you, DO NOT THINK THAT WE ARE FRIENDS, PERIOD.

In my opinion, friends receive the second best gifts that I give (coming second to family). They get the gifts that show my appreciation for their long-lasting presence in my life, their honesty, their loyalty, and their patience in dealing with me (because I am WORK).

I love and appreciate the friends that have stuck by me and I make it a point to show them.

For Dates/More-Than-Friends, but Less-Than-Lovers/and Lovers:

These gifts are usually more sentimental and I certainly put more thought into them.

Because I am naturally a “gifter”, when getting a gift for someone who is working his way into my heart, I definitely spend a good amount of time reflecting on our relationship up to that point before deciding on the appropriate gift. I think back on past conversations about our goals, wants and needs. I think to things that have affected him and I think to things that he’s said to me. But most of all, because a sense of humor is a must when being around me, I think back to things that have made us laugh uncontrollably. These things usually help me most in putting together gifts.

Over the past five years, I’ve put serious thought into gifts for guys twice! This should give you an idea of how rare it is that I even let someone get close enough to care about getting them anything “special”.

Again, I am not affectionate in many ways, but gifting is kind of my thing. Lucky is the man who convinces me to love em’ (& deeply troubled, let’s face it, I’m a handful)!

Now, it’s your turn, what’s your love language?

  1. Gifts — Receiving gifts

  2. Quality Time

  3. Words of Affirmation

  4. Acts of Service — “Actions Speak Louder Than Words”

  5. Physical Touch

LXXII: Oh, So You Just Have NO Self-Control... ?

Song: I Hate Giving You Everything by Arlissa

Some situations have ‘unhealthy’ written all over them. And yet, they are so appealing!

I have never encountered a situation that worked, didn’t and then became unhealthy to the point of having to split before NOW. How human of me, right? I hate it.

So, the mind is a crazy thing. Add to that the powers of the heart and you’ve got nothing but trouble. All of this leads to my current feelings:

I: I really want to keep something around that really needs to be let go of

II: I really miss having someone around who really shouldn’t be around

III: I really wish things went differently, when who knows if that situation was even for me

I could rack my brain and play out scenarios for days where we don’t lose what oftentimes feels special or different, but then how will we become who we are meant to become? But let’s slow it down:

Honestly, in all of my moments of weakness surrounding this whole ordeal, I find myself missing our laughs, our random conversations, our arguments and disagreements, our crazy and random adventures and so much more on the broad spectrum. On the narrower spectrum, I find myself missing his eyes, his laugh, his touch, his insane sense of humor, or the way that his face just works (maybe even left-handed things)!

These are the moments that I think, ‘Oh, one text message wouldn’t hurt’, or ‘Hmm, maybe we should just hang out and keep it light’. IT’S LEGITIMATELY AN INTERNAL BATTLE.

 

Sidebar: Have you ever been in a battle with your mind and your heart? That is the most uncontrolled fight you will ever take part in. Impulse is literally the only winner when those two are fighting and my impulse is usually an ‘okay, send the text’. I give in!!!

 

BUT HOW WILL I GROW IF I’M NOT EVEN WILLING TO EXERCISE SELF-CONTROL IN THIS INSTANCE?

My biggest fear in “letting myself grow away from this situation” or in exercising self-control (as I’ve put it) is that maybe I am not supposed to let it go so easily (and I use that loosely because it has not been easy). Maybe I am supposed to fight for it. Maybe this one is worth it (chuckle chuckle, because, are they ever worth it? 🤔).

Two factors, however, control what I can do in this situation: (1) I can’t fix it alone — teamwork makes the dream work, and (2) I don’t want to fight for something that will land me in a worse position than the one I’m already in!

These two factors usually help determine what you should do, or which direction you should go next with whomever this person-in-question is. The fact that giving up is easier than actually putting in work for what’s worth it makes it to where teamwork would be impossible in my situation. Some people like complacency and everything that comes easily is preferred. If they have to work for it, then they don’t want it. And secondly, with a person like this, how would I not end up in a worse position?! I’d be fighting for something that the other party would just drop the moment it gets difficult!

If my two factors above establish whether or not self-control needs to be exercised, then it is abundantly clear that this situation has got to go and that it’s on me to exercise enough control to ensure that it does!

In 100% transparency, I have completely said self-control be darned and just given into it at every avenue, but at some point we have to acknowledge that:

THIS NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE IS EXACTLY WHAT WAS NEEDED TO SPARK THE LIGHT THAT LIT THE FIRE IN WHO I AM ABOUT TO BECOME.

You can’t grow if you don’t change what is not good around you and within you. Exercise of self-control is just a step. Perseverance is a requirement. Self-awareness is imperative. Reflection is crucial. And, knowing your self-worth will literally save your life.

With that, I’ve let it go! 🤷🏾‍♀️