Social

CVI: Socialization, Circles and Growth!

A MAJOR KEY TO GROWTH AND PROSPERITY IS TO HAVE A LIKE-MINDED GROUP OF PEOPLE AROUND YOU!

Although it’s hard to stay in constant contact with people while also working, schooling and otherwise being occupied, staying in touch with the right people is imperative to growth!

The wrong people will simply have you worried about the wrong things: likes on socials, boyfriends/girlfriends, getting “attention”, going to clubs, constant partying, being seen, taking pictures, etc. These things are all fun, but they are not all that there is to life.

These times, however, will have you thinking that those things are everything. I don’t know how or why this generation fell face first into this age of desperation, but it did and I simply do not want to partake in any of that cake.

A piece to this that many overlook is that the people that you surround yourself with most can also pull you into this same behavior without you even noticing.

I have been making the conscious efforts to maintain a safe distance once it has been made apparent to me that someone that is constantly within my earshot has the wrong focuses. Now, I do my best to not judge based on one or two occurrences, but when I see a constant stream of the same old thing, thoughts, behaviors, etc. I ensure that that person becomes one with whom I converse less and less.

I just don’t want it in my circle.

When it comes to people, I am definitely more of a leader walking to the beat of her own drum than a follower, but I don’t count myself among those who believe that they too cannot fall into a certain type of behavior based on the people that I surround myself with. I truly believe that your circle plays a huge role in defining you.

It would suit us all best to HONESTLY ask ourselves if our actual circle is a good representation of who we are and who we want to be?

Do the people around you motivate you to do better? To be better? Or, to date more, seek attention, find a man, or go viral? 🤷🏾‍♀️


I’ve noticed that SO MANY people’s focus is only on being with someone else. Men are given so much power these days because we’re in the age of women who can’t be alone and are desperate to call anyone theirs. I don’t want those women in my circle. No offense to y’all though. I’m just not on that wave.

Those women will have you dating any and everyone, sliding into social media DMs, and saying you love a person after knowing them all of a month. I’ve had enough bad relationships and friendships to know that I do not need to rush into anything new just to be able to say that I have something (that and I have so much more without).

I want to keep the part of me that appreciates a foundation. I want to keep the part of me that doesn’t accept less than my worth. And I want to keep the part of me that works hard and is, honestly, unstoppable. A huge part of being able to keep the dopest version of myself happily doing this thing called life and achieving greatness is knowing WHO to do it with!

I don’t want a circle of people who talk about greatness, I want a circle of people achieving it. I don’t want a circle of people doing things for praise, I want a circle of people who do things and don’t have to say a word about it because they’re already on to the next project. I don’t want a circle of women who only aspire to being someone’s wife, I want a circle of women who are actually running the show (jobs, cars, money, options).

I am a whole movement on my own, but, with the right circle, we can all be a force for change and all things good.

Choose your circle wisely. 😉

I’m known to walk alone, but I’m alone for a reason.
— Beyonće

XCIX: Love Doesn't Always Win!

We are raised with the fairy tale versions of love and romance. Disney tells us watered-down versions of tragic stories that somehow end in love and not the tragedy that they really ended in, and television shows sell us versions of life that simply don’t exist anymore.

THE REALITY IS…

Rarely do you end up with the love of your life. Rarely do you end up not regretting your ultimate choices. What we miss in all of the Disney stories and TV shows is the fact that reality is much different. When you fight and that loneliness kicks in, the vulnerability kicks in harder and mistakes are made.

When you think that there is no fix to your relationship — because who shows up at your window with a radio playing you guys’ song anymore and apologizing — you take the easy road and you quit because there’s always someone who is also alone who will “help you through your break up”.

Next thing you know, you’re married and regret everything. Love does not “always win” anymore.

RESPONSIBILITY, TIMING, EASE, AND COMFORT ARE THE REAL WINNERS!

Responsibility

Sometimes, doing the right thing is hard and it means hurting 1, 2, or 3 people to ‘be the bigger person’. Sometimes you have to lose everything in the name of being responsible. And sometimes you have to live out everyday knowing full-well what you’ve done and why you’ve done it — you’re stuck. Not in love, but in life…

Timing

The less time you have to spend actually hurting, reflecting and healing, the better, right? These days lazy is the default.

I mean, who wants to sit around and think about the hurt that they’ve caused or actually grow up when they can just scroll down social media or look around and find someone who also doesn’t want to be alone. Next thing you know, we’re calling a fling of convenience “heaven sent” and timing wins again.

Ease

Don’t even have me ramble on in this section, we all know that we are sliding, full force, into the time of ease. Whatever’s easiest is usually the choice for MANY people, and, I mean, in the age of everyone needing attention there are very few people making things anything other than easy.

Comfort

Comfort kills.

And the thing about it is that the first thing that many people say is that they live outside of their comfort zones. But, I guarantee that if you spend one month with them (and not even that long) you will soon see that their comfort zone is their home. It’s all they know. And they are only fooling themselves.

Comfort is what keeps a lot of people where they are. It keeps them for going for what they actually want. It keeps them from trying. It keeps them from being honest. It keeps them from bliss.

But, let them tell it, 🎶comfort don’t live here anymore🎶. Lies.

WITH THESE THINGS BEING THE FACTS OF OUR DAY…

I don’t know whether I’m in full support of leaving any and all situations when they aren’t right or fighting for what you have. I can tell you that I used to fully advocate for fighting for what’s yours, fighting for what you’ve worked at, fighting for “love”.

But…

These days, people are so selfish with their decisions that they really make you have to fight for something that you should have already had! They’re so selfish that they expect any and all of their bad actions to go unpunished. They’re so selfish…

These days, all relationships give me pause — friendships, dating relationships, significant others, etc., with the way a lot of people play, I’ve learned that this game/joke that they’ve made out of love is NOT FOR ME.

so, I DON’T KNOW WHO NEEDS TO HEAR THIS, BUT:

Don’t be their fallback plan.

Don’t be their second choice.

Don’t be the reason that they’re “stuck”.

Don’t be the one who makes your children suffer through a bad marriage just to keep a marriage.

Don’t be the one who ignores all of the signs.

Don’t believe that love won’t knock on your door again.

Don’t convince yourself that you don’t deserve more.

Check yourself.

Check your spouse/partner/bf/gf.

Be real with yourself.

Be real with others.

Keep your head up.

Don’t you ever forget that Love is a privilege reserved for the victor.
— Eli Pope

XCVI: The Bad About Bree...

We’re so quick to write about and post the good, but what about the unsung hero? What about all that makes you a little less of an easy person to be around? What about the bad and the ugly?

This post is nothing but the bad and the ugly about me. But why am I being so open? Because I think that this world places so much pressure on us to be another person’s idea of “perfect” that many people have gotten used to faking it until they make it. I want to show everyone that you do not have to live this way to get that job, be blessed with that man, drive that car, or to make it. The W that you get just by being yourself trumps the temporary W that you get when you fake it, any day.

So, here it is:

I AM NOT FORGIVING:

I’m not good with second, third or fourth chances at all. I can think of literally one person that I gave a second chance to and he taught me that I should never do it again. I am simply not a forgiving person.

The way I see it, you had a choice. We all have a choice! And when we make a choice and another person is involved, they have the control to either make choices that will negatively affect you or not! That choice of whether or not they decided to engage in that behavior that would only end up hurting me is what I would then have to turn around and forgive them for, but why would I forgive you for something that you didn’t have to do to me?

Answer: I wouldn’t.

I’m just not that person. I honestly believe that people make choices regarding whether or not they will hurt you or be good to you, so I make the choice to always say no when it comes time to forgive.  I’m human, but I’m not human enough to sit around and be subjected to the same bad behavior over and over.

I AM NOT NICE:

I just simply am not.

This world does not like honesty — it really doesn’t like anything that’s not positive, coddling, reassuring or babying them and I provide few-to-none of those things which makes me come off as a meanie. I’m fine with this.

I’d rather be honest, real and myself than fake and “nice”.

A lot of people tell me that I should tone down the honesty or just keep it to myself, but I believe that that would just be a disservice to those around me. There are many people that you can be mediocre with, but I am simply not one of them.

The mediocre don’t last long in my life (and neither do the fakes ✌🏾).

I HAVE REALLY UGLY FEET:

I could blame this on the fact that my mom ran me over when I was younger, but I’m pretty sure that my feet are just ugly because they’re ugly.

Luckily for the world, my feet sweat so much that I wouldn’t dare slide around in open-toed shoes anyway. You’ll never have to see my feet. You’re welcome.

But, I do want the world to know that they are indeed ugly.

I DON’T TRUST PEOPLE:

I simply don’t.

I’ve put my trust into plenty of people in my twenty-some-odd years of life and they usually don’t deserve it. So now the default is just set to “ I don’t trust you” and “I won’t trust you”.

Earn it if you can. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I HAVE INSECURITIES:

I can bet you a pretty penny that anyone who suffers from issues with trusting people also suffers from insecurities of some sort.

Don’t get me wrong, I am fully secure in who I am as a person, and all of that jazz.

The issues come in when I am dealing with other people. Again, I’ve had “close friends” or people who “loved me” completely lie to my face which makes me uneasy in any situation that deals with people. So, my insecurity with others is more of a…:

I know that I’m capable of being a good person to you, but I also know that many are not equipped with that thing that tells you to treat others well and not to lie. So, I’m more insecure in trusting myself to put trust in you than anything else.

I LOVE WAY TOO HARD:

This is not necessarily a bad thing on it’s face, BUT…

This means that when you lie to me and I’m forced to walk away from what I thought was our beautiful friendship; or, when you treat me horribly, justify it, and then I decide that you’re dead to me, I’m usually stuck with that residual love.

Now even though that friendship/relationship wasn’t real to you (hence the reason you lied and/or treated me like I would always be around) it was real to me! Those feelings just don’t disappear.

But, it is the ultimate curse of someone real and of someone who really loves because that love doesn’t easily fade.

I will never be ashamed of how hard I’ve loved people, but I’m usually ashamed of the people I’ve loved.

I’M SUPER DIFFICULT:

There are levels to my difficulty and blame this on me being stuck in my own ways.

I am a person who genuinely loves to be alone. I love my solitude. I love having my phone on DND, and just not being bothered. But, in that solitude, I’ve gotten into routines. So during the random times where I am not alone or am with that special someone, it’s sometimes hard for me to completely leave my routine behind which just comes off as me being difficult.

I promise that I don’t try to be, but hey, what can I do!? Lol  


So, these are some of the bad and ugly things about me! Throw into this mix that I’m stubborn, often irrational, and unmoving and you’ve got a full pot of imperfections! 

Thanks for reading & see y’all in 2 months! ✌🏾

LXXXI: I Think I’ve Earned My Right To Not Be Okay With BS, Yes?

Someone asked that I write out this post so that I can get it all out and “feel better”.

I honestly do not believe that writing out this post will help me at all, but I do believe that it will help some of my close friends understand why I’ve been so distant.

I TEND TO DISTANCE MYSELF WHEN I’M AT A LOSS.

I am the type of person that believes that you can bring down other peoples’s mood with your mood, so I feel that, me feeling down daily will affect those around me. I, of course, do not like that. So, I distance myself. I don’t see the point in discussing the things that have gotten me down because it’s usually the case that, if I’m already at the point, then we’re past the time where something can be done about it.

A BIG PART OF THIS POST IS THE SIMPLE FACT THAT I GIVE UP ON EVERYTHING!

I am done with everything.

I have worked my butt off for decades at everything and everyone in my life. Doors were closed in my face, and I’d pivot and open new doors. I was told no, and I’d lift my head and make a ‘yes’ out of it. I was given lemons, I always made lemonade. I was given dead flowers and I turned them into a backdrop.

But, I am tired.

For years I’ve picked myself up, I’ve been my own hero. I’ve been my own biggest fan. I’ve been my own cheerleader. I’ve fought. I’ve studied. I’ve learned. I’ve tried. BUT I AM DONE.

I’ve worked myself to a point of knowing, wholeheartedly, that I deserve a break. So, I’m taking one.

I’m tired of having to pick myself up after other people’s disappointments. I’m tired of being stuck with the thought and memories of people who have no thoughts and memories of me. I am tired of wanting better for people who do not even want better for themselves.

SUPERHERO OFF DUTY.

That's All Folks.gif

This superhero is now off duty. I do not want to be the strong Black woman who has it all together, who is always working her butt off at everything only to come second, and who gives her all to relationships only to end up not even knowing the person once it’s over.

For the time being, I am free.

There is very little that I care about and very little that I am going to do. Apart from studying and finishing up law school strong, I am done. I don’t care about anything. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to even talk to anyone. 🤷🏾‍♀️

BUT, WHY IS THIS OKAY?

In my opinion, this is okay because, the alternative is to lose my mind. I’d rather not allow the things and people of this world to make me insane. I’d rather do what I need to do to keep my sanity.

Realizing your limits is a very important thing. And person to person, those limits will look very different. For me, this is what it looks like when I’ve reached my limit. I literally have to throw my hands up regarding everything in my life and just let it all go.

I think that, as long as I explain to my readers why my content has been one-sided, and as long as I explain to my friends and family why I’ve been so distant then I’ve officially covered my bases and can begin to do what I need to do for me.

Luckily for my readers, I love blogging, so I will continue to blog, but apart from that, I’m off the grid. ✌🏾

LXXVIII: What Happened During The Week That I Said "Yes" To Everything?

Okay, I’m going to start by saying that realistically, I could not say ‘yes’ to everything because this week just so happens to be the week that I got the world’s craziest requests. But, my “Yes Week” is just another way that I like to switch things up for myself.

As many of my readers know, I am a very routine person. I do not like to stray too far from this routine, because it usually results in disaster, but sometimes, I take weeks out where I do things that I don’t normally do so that I don’t drive myself crazy with my routine (i.e. “eat my feelings week” during the first week of school where I eat whatever I want all week).

My Yes Week started with a bunch of agreeing to run errands with my co-worker since she decided to abuse my Yes Week completely (LOL!). It ended with my anti-social self agreeing to go out to a popular rooftop bar in the downtown area of my city. I actually ended up going twice.

Now, this is insane for me because, normally, I steer clear of groups of people and forced conversation (or any conversation, really). But, I must admit, it was enjoyable to get out and chat with other types of people. In my life, as it stands, I talk to a ton of people who are into law so the majority of our conversations are about law or, honestly, just a bunch of lies about themselves. That definitely gets boring!

Now, I won’t lie and say that while out we still didn’t run into “lawyers” who only wanted to talk about law because it definitely happened twice during my Yes Week! But, I will say that it is refreshing to not see the same people that I see day in and day out while within my routine.

Messages Image(2354009).png

Because of this week, I ended up: going out twice, giving out my number more than I wanted to, making more “new ‘friends’” than I can name, dancing, laughing, eating [a lot], dressing up, getting out of the house, keeping my phone off of Do Not Disturb for the week, and, for one weekend, forgetting all that was going on in my little world.

A lot of good came from Yes Week that otherwise would not have happened. And, although all of the communication and smiling from that week had me exhausted, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and wouldn’t mind possibly doing it again. Just not any time soon.

One thing to remember for my next Yes Week is that I should not tell people that I am having a Yes Week otherwise, they will definitely ask any and everything of me and then before you know it I’ll be married to a stranger with a cat named Clevis (not speaking from experience).

I recommend that you all give Yes Week a try, and that you let me know how it goes.