Peace of Mind

XC: How Social Media Has Killed My Chance At A Peaceful Existence?

First off, OD! If you know me personally then you know that I am extreme when it comes to certain things and sayings. This is one of them, so I’ll start with the disclaimers:

  1. I am obviously existing. Now whether or not that is peaceful has been up to my mind lately.

  2. I cannot fully blame social media because the inventors and innovators that got this thing up and running are obviously geniuses. They are not the ones who told us to use social media for the trash that a lot of us do! I’m just saying…

  3. I’m sure that once all that I am currently feeling has had its chance to pass, I will reach a period of something-like-peace and something-like-happiness, but right now, I am suffering at the hands of all who sign onto these enticing apps (more drama — you see how this is an addiction? Lol, moving forward).

Social media has taken so much from us and also given us a ton, but this post is about what it’s taken away:

One: OUR EMPATHY

With the recent passing of Nipsey Hussle, we’ve had hours upon hours of footage, posts, comments, screenshots, and so on of his final moments or peoples thoughts on the events or conspiracy theories about why this horrible event happened.

Yes, we see the posts of those who knew him mourning the loss of their friend, mentor, and family member but the fact that the video of him lying lifeless on the ground is being shared thousands of times and the fact that people are tagging his wife in these pictures and videos shows that we, as a people, are missing something essential…

It seems as though many of us act out with the thought of a like or a comment before checking our effect on others first. The big picture is that someone lost their life mate, someone else lost their father, another person lost their son, but people’s first thought is usually to capitalize on it. Why?

TWO: OUR HONESTY

Many on social media are known for putting on airs about the goings ons of their lives. That or they are adding fake-deep captions to stock images found online, vain images from the multitude of selfies in their camera rolls, or onto plain black backgrounds.

We love to convince ourselves that we are more than what we really are, don’t we?

I’ll never understand this and maybe it’s because I am too honest with myself, but people will lie until they make themselves believe it. They will lie to get their way. They will lie to get what they want. And, they will lie to get to the top.

But, imagine a time where you just work hard and your work speaks in the place of your lies. Imagine a world where you don’t have to keep up with the facade that you’ve been living. Just imagine…

Social media is a place where it’s so easy to fake it. Filters, tags, followers, etc. make it easy and even appealing to lie, but imagine how much more influential you could be living out your real, honest-to-goodness, truth.

THREE: OUR ABILITY TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT

I used to be afraid of missing moments. I’m the person that loves to add special moments to my photo album with a brief description of what happened, who I was with, and what those moments made me feel, but, in being that person, I had to live my life through my lens or on my phone. Although my reasoning for wanting to live this way makes sense during the times that I’m adding the pictures to my album, these same reasons don’t make sense once I’ve thought about it.

Many of the moments that I allow myself to have are worth being in fully. So whether or not I want to capture them so that I can relive them later doesn’t matter! There is no experience like what you are currently experiencing!

But, you can’t have that joy if you’re constantly taking selfies into your phones camera, and you can’t have that joy if you’re too busy watching other people’s lives play out instead of living your own.

BUT, LET’S DISCUSS MY PEACE:

I decided to write this post because there are times where social media becomes so overwhelming for me. And, by that, I mean that I cannot stop flipping from one news story to the next. I’ll see news on something tragic like a plane crash, flip over to another source writing on a kidnapping, and then a story pops up about a 21-year-old college student being killed by someone who she mistakingly believed to be her Uber driver, and THEN news about an influential musical and charitable genius being gunned down in the community that he’s given so much to.

It gets overwhelming and those are the times that my peace starts to feel shaken.

And, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Well, just don’t look at the news stories”, and I’m just going to say that I wish it were that easy…

I know that many reach points of uneasiness because of social media, and I know that you get to this point for ranging reasons, but I’m just here to say DON’T BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR PHONES DOWN AND LIVE IN THE MOMENTS.

LXXXII: To Be A Man...

What on earth does it mean to be a man today?

Now I know that I am not a man, but I have been around enough, paid enough attention and seen enough men to be able to deduce a few things.

There Is A Social Pressure That Comes With Being A Man Today…

Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who do not believe that men also give into the social pressures around them.

But, I’m here to say that they definitely do.

Men are greatly influenced by the men that they surround themselves with, by the men that they see on social media who appear to be “prospering”, and by the presence or absence of the men in their families.

As far as the men in their circle is concerned, a lot of the times, if one of them has developed a mode of operation or a way of acting, a lot of the others will follow suit. I.e. if one of them says that it’s cool to womanize and jump from one woman to the next, then the others will do that as well. They may even be criticized by the males in their group if they don’t do that, hence, the pressure.

Like many others, men also find the lives of those on social media appealing. So much so that they begin to fashion their lives similar to the ones that they see portrayed online. I.e. one guy sees another guy gawking at the plethora of twerking females down their timelines and the ease at which they avail themselves to these men and, again, they follow suit.

Now, take this last one with a grain of salt because I can promise you that there are a lot of men out there who were raised in a two parent household that are still trash. BUT, usually when these men do not have a good male influence around them, they become products, instead, of their environments (meaning we’re basically left to have them be raised by rappers, music videos and reality television). 

Constant Expectation To Conceal What You Feel

Men are usually expected to be the “strong” ones and, in that strength, they are supposed to forego any emotions and keep a strong demeanor.

Whoever brought about this idiotic and childish idealism should definitely be run over by a runaway oxcart because this is the dumbest thing ever instilled into man.

This is the reason that MANY BOYS WILL NOT PROGRESS INTO MEN because they are harboring issues, pain, anger, doubt, and insecurities that they’ve been taught to brush under the rug instead of dealing with. This is devastating, to say the least, because it doesn’t teach men to process what is going on, or to evaluate their reactions to things in a way that doesn’t result in them hurting or damaging someone else.

They become toxic and completely blind to it, all while spreading that toxicity to whomever crosses their paths.

Stigma/Shame Attached To Loving A Woman

This world is funny in that, when a man treats a woman right and loves her deeply, he is labeled  “whooped”, “a whimp”, or “a sissy”.

Look at Russell Wilson — He is a praying man that actually lives the words that he reads in the Bible and is just out here treating a woman right. But, he is also one of the most heavily criticized men for this very behavior.

The way that men are supposed to be treating women is what gets them ridiculed because of the fact that the boys out here do not ever want to grow out of their selfish and childish ways.

This has got to stop!

There should be no shame in treating people right. There should be no negativity towards a man actually being a man when it comes to loving a woman, but I guess it’s easier to praise mediocrity than it is to just be great, huh?

Expectations Attached To Gender Roles

Men have to deal with a lot. Being the protector. Being the provider. The pressure to be whatever his family wanted him to be when he was a child. The pressures of schoolchildren. Bullies and the list goes on.

Men deal with a lot and they internalize most of it. They live in a constant state of, ‘I gotta figure this out quickly and remain strong’ which leaves no room for them to grieve when they are sad or to reevaluate when they’ve messed up.

It further damages the man.

As women loving these men, I believe that it is up to us to reassure them that they aren’t in this alone and that they have help. This world is difficult and, sometimes, all it takes is a strong woman by the side of a strong man. But it also takes the man, in all of his strength, to realize when he needs that strong woman.

The Pressure To “Be Someone Else” 

Guys tend to pretend when they initially meet people. I’ve come across a number of guys whose M.O. is to pretend to be similar to me in order to get past the big barrier around me that initially says ‘LEAVE ME BE’.

They spend so much of their time pretending to be who other people want them to be, all while convincing themselves that they aren’t, that forget that they are pretending in the first place. This only becomes painful when their true colors start to show.

I think that it’s important for men to get in tune with themselves so that they know when they are not actually being true to themselves. It is so easy to get lost in what your friends want you to be or what an easy girl wants you to be and completely lose yourself as a man.

I really don’t want to see anymore men go down this path because they lose that thing that makes them so special in the first place. When you have that, as a man, it is really something that should be held onto.

So, my prayer is that more men learn themselves so that they don’t lose themselves based on the ease of things around them.


As a woman, to try and understand what it is to be a man is to learn to forgive them for the lessons that they have yet to learn — no matter what pain it’s caused me. 

I am working on understanding so that I can forgive and no longer hurt from the men of my past.  

Being a man is difficult and filled with pressures, but being a man with pressures and asking for help or taking time to heal is harder. 

I commend all of the men out there who are trying. I commend all of the men out there who have learned from their mistakes as well as other’s mistakes. My hat is off to you guys & I want it to be known that some women understand the work that you do on yourselves on a daily basis.

This post is basically me saying:

Men, I see the work that a lot of you are doing and I’m so proud! Keep it up!

🖤