Life

LXXXI: I Think I’ve Earned My Right To Not Be Okay With BS, Yes?

Someone asked that I write out this post so that I can get it all out and “feel better”.

I honestly do not believe that writing out this post will help me at all, but I do believe that it will help some of my close friends understand why I’ve been so distant.

I TEND TO DISTANCE MYSELF WHEN I’M AT A LOSS.

I am the type of person that believes that you can bring down other peoples’s mood with your mood, so I feel that, me feeling down daily will affect those around me. I, of course, do not like that. So, I distance myself. I don’t see the point in discussing the things that have gotten me down because it’s usually the case that, if I’m already at the point, then we’re past the time where something can be done about it.

A BIG PART OF THIS POST IS THE SIMPLE FACT THAT I GIVE UP ON EVERYTHING!

I am done with everything.

I have worked my butt off for decades at everything and everyone in my life. Doors were closed in my face, and I’d pivot and open new doors. I was told no, and I’d lift my head and make a ‘yes’ out of it. I was given lemons, I always made lemonade. I was given dead flowers and I turned them into a backdrop.

But, I am tired.

For years I’ve picked myself up, I’ve been my own hero. I’ve been my own biggest fan. I’ve been my own cheerleader. I’ve fought. I’ve studied. I’ve learned. I’ve tried. BUT I AM DONE.

I’ve worked myself to a point of knowing, wholeheartedly, that I deserve a break. So, I’m taking one.

I’m tired of having to pick myself up after other people’s disappointments. I’m tired of being stuck with the thought and memories of people who have no thoughts and memories of me. I am tired of wanting better for people who do not even want better for themselves.

SUPERHERO OFF DUTY.

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This superhero is now off duty. I do not want to be the strong Black woman who has it all together, who is always working her butt off at everything only to come second, and who gives her all to relationships only to end up not even knowing the person once it’s over.

For the time being, I am free.

There is very little that I care about and very little that I am going to do. Apart from studying and finishing up law school strong, I am done. I don’t care about anything. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to even talk to anyone. 🤷🏾‍♀️

BUT, WHY IS THIS OKAY?

In my opinion, this is okay because, the alternative is to lose my mind. I’d rather not allow the things and people of this world to make me insane. I’d rather do what I need to do to keep my sanity.

Realizing your limits is a very important thing. And person to person, those limits will look very different. For me, this is what it looks like when I’ve reached my limit. I literally have to throw my hands up regarding everything in my life and just let it all go.

I think that, as long as I explain to my readers why my content has been one-sided, and as long as I explain to my friends and family why I’ve been so distant then I’ve officially covered my bases and can begin to do what I need to do for me.

Luckily for my readers, I love blogging, so I will continue to blog, but apart from that, I’m off the grid. ✌🏾

LXVII: What I've Learned, Thus Far, From 2018?

Here we are! Another installment and another year of lessons!

I’ve changed things up this year and entered into it feeling a bit more liberated than I was in 2017. I had decided early on that I was going to do what I wanted, when I wanted and try things. But, with that, I also opened myself up to people which is something that I normally steer very clear of.

Whenever you open up your heart, mind, and ears to new people, you’ll definitely be learning new lessons, however. Trust me!

So, here are a couple of the lessons that I’ve learned, thus far, this year:

STEER CLEAR OF THOSE WHO WANT YOUR RHYTHM BUT NOT YOUR BLUES

Wanting my rhythm and not my blues simply means that someone wants to be around me when I am happy and having fun, but when stuff hits the fan of life, they want to hit the road.

I’ve had this type of person in my life plenty-a-time!

The bad thing about me, however, is that when it comes to people who I have allowed into my life, I genuinely try my best to keep them.

BUT, sometimes in life you go through things, not to learn to work through them, but to learn to walk away from bad situations

This year has been one big lesson on walking away for me. It gets so lonely sometimes, but walking away from people who want to be around when all is well but leave when things get difficult is a very necessary reality. 

PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING

The way you view a situation says a lot about the way you view the world and the way you view yourself.

Now, I generally look at situations from a very realistic standpoint. I also use facts from the past that have created a pattern to assist with the way in which I view those situations. So, in short, when a situation presents itself, I’m an absolute realist through and through.

Now, this year has been filled with ups and downs, and I’ve worked at keeping my outlook on things upbeat enough to allow myself the ability to continue on in whatever direction I am attempting to go in life without letting things get me too down.

Changing my perspective on a lot of the things that have happened to me lately has seriously helped. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been so necessary. A lot of times, perspective comes through in the form of a glass being half empty or a glass being half full. 2018 has taught me to look at things with the glass half full which has allowed me the opportunity to fill it the rest of the way on my own.

WHEN SOMETHING IS FOR YOU, IT WILL ALWAYS BECOME YOURS

This is super important for me to remember! 

I oftentimes work overtime to keep friendships and relationships with people who have never even deserved my time in the first place. It’s in my nature, however, to nurture those relationships...

BUT, when a relationship is for you, it will be yours without all of the tug-of-war! I forget this so much and it results in me making people feel way more needed than they actually are by trying to keep them in my life.

This is a habit, in me, that needs to be left in 2018. Because, trust me, you won’t be forcing the friendships and relationships that are meant to happen!  

BE REAL WITH EVERYONE AT ALL TIMES 

Now, first and foremost, you have to be real with yourself! But after that, you have to be real with everyone else.

I met someone this year who was such a gem! A beautiful soul inside and out. But, if you asked me, now, whether or not I still know this person, then my answer would honestly have to be ‘no’.

This person was so good at pretending to be the great person that I grew to very fondly enjoy, but [as you’ll read below] people can only pretend for so long (and sometimes for too long) before their true colors show.

It turns out that this person was a complete stranger to me when they showed me who they really were. What a shock!

I can see from that situation that it is, a lot of times, hard for some people to just be themselves which, to me, seems like it would be more work to pretend to be someone or something else. But, I digress, …

People usually teach me the biggest lessons and from this person, I’ve learned that you have to be super mindful of who and what you are. Remain true to yourself no matter the situation.

Real will attract real, but you have to weed through a lot of fake to get to it.

PEOPLE ARE GOOD AT PRETENDING — WATCH FOR SIGNS

I have made the mistake of underestimating the amount of time that people can live while being fake and, trust me, they can go the distance. 

But, I’ve learned that, eventually the real will always come out. 

I’ve had two friends while in school that people have completely warned me about but I ignored it and instead defended them because I wanted to base my reactions to them solely on my experiences. In hindsight, I completely wish that I would’ve listened to those people, but I didn’t, so I had to eat that loss.

I didn’t believe these things because people are so good at pretending to be things that they are not. They immitate the things that they see being attracted by others. They become so good at the facade that it’s undetectable to eyes that want to believe what they see.

But, I’ve seen that faking it gets exhaustive and they will eventually show their true colors. Some people don’t last a week, others take months, and one took years!  

 My advice to myself and others would simply be to jump ship as soon as the first sign becomes apparent. We’re so inclined to ignore the little signs because we’re enjoying the bigger moments, but trust me, cutting these people off early on is always best. 


So, there you have it! 2018 has taught me A LOT about people and how I should approach the next batch that I meet in life.

But, most of all, 2018 has taught me to look at situations from multiple angles: yes, losing a job will hurt, but there are so many benefits to it; yes, losing a ‘friend’ will hurt, but I’ve gained so many more who actually seem good; and, yes, loving someone is difficult, especially when you’re on completely different wavelengths as far as life is concerned, but opening your heart to someone has the never-ending benefit of showing you so much about yourself!

So for that, 2018, I thank you! 🎊🎊🎊

LVI: November Goals

I finally have time to sit down and set out my goals for the month, so why not set out my November Goals?

These will be simple goals for my blog, for my life, for my family/relationships, and for my fitness! I’ll try and keep it short by making one goal per topic, that way it’s more realistic and actually doable, because, why make unobtainable goals, right?! Here we go:

FOR MY BLOG:

My November goal for my blog is to get out and take more photographs for my posts.

I’ve been blessed with a bit more free time, but haven’t used it much to enhance my peace of mind. Photography, eating and working out are the things that make me happiest (when I am not around other people), so, in my solitude, I want to get out and get some great shots. 

 I believe that photographs bring life to my posts and they make it much easier to notify my followers on Socials about my new blog posts.

FOR MY LIFE: 

This November, I’d just like to see myself happier. I want to find that I am studying more, cooking more, reading more, writing more, and, smiling a lot more.

I want more life, but, more than that, I want more happy life.  

But, I want to take it day-by-day. Some days just staying home and watching that same old movies over and over in sweats with wine makes me happy. And some days, all I want to do is go out and mingle a bit.

Basically, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be happy. I force happiness, I push for happiness in crappy situations, and I settle for happiness-lite when I simply don’t have to!

The trend this November is ME — I am working on my happiness, my fitness, my studies, my reading, my writing, my time.  

FOR MY RELATIONSHIPS

The biggest thing that I am going to work on, from this point forward, and in all relationships is communication.

The odd thing about me is that, before I will talk it out, I always prefer to just walk it out. Meaning, I’d rather just walk away completely than do the work to stay (usually out of fear).

I’d usually rather just try to fix my feelings myself when they are hurt, or try to deal with whatever caused the quarrel in the first place rather than attempt to talk to the person.

The problem is that I do not find it odd when I prefer not to communicate, but the reality is that there are actually people out there who are adult enough to come to you and talk to you about a misunderstanding. So, one should also be open to that.

FOR MY FITNESS: 

I usually don’t make fitness goals just because I hate putting pressure on something that I do for pleasure, but, for the purposes of this post:

My November goal for my fitness is to run more! Believe it or not, I am still working off all of the weight that I gained while being cuddled up this summer. BUT, the summer love is gone and so must go the summer love handles!

A little summer weight is no match, however, for a good old cardio regime, so let’s set a goal of 28 miles for the month of November. This will include cycling, running, walking, hiking, and anything physical except driving (😂, I would try it).

I’ll be honest, I’m only about 6 miles in so far, but will take a ‘before’ and ‘after’ picture to see if any progress happens on these beautiful 22 miles that will be completed by the end of November.

So, my November goals are set!

READY, SET, ACCOMPLISH!

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