Honesty

CVIII: What Are Your November Goals and How Are You Working To Achieve Them?

I guess it’s becoming a bit of a tradition to evaluate our goals each November because I definitely remember my goals from last year around this time thanks to my November Goals post.

This year, however, I am in a different space, so my goals look a tad bit different:

GOALS FOR THE BLOG:

Last year, I made the goal of taking more of my blog’s photos! I wanted to encourage myself to get out there and take pictures that could be used for posts instead of using stock images.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with using stock images, but, for me, there’s a big feeling of satisfaction when I am completely in control of every aspect of every post on my page.

ANYWHOOOO, I feel as though I’ve up’ed my photograph game a smidge, so, this year my goal will be to promote my blog a bit more.

GOALS FOR THE WORKPLACE:

We all know that a big part of making it in this life includes clocking in, so I cannot make my way through this post without mentioning goals for the workplace!

Now, I usually work best in organized chaos, but I think that a good goal for me would be to become more organized! I mean, I’m not a hot mess, like, I use my daily calendar and I don’t miss deadlines, but my desk could use some official piles and designated spaces.

So, in keeping my goals simple, I am just going to work towards more organization.

GOALS FOR MY WORK-LIFE BALANCE:

Honestly, I am not yet in a space where I can slow down in an attempt to achieve a work-life balance.

I still have a ton of work ahead of me on the road to accomplishing all of the things that I’ve set out to accomplish. I’m not saying that it’ll be forever before I am able to achieve this balance, but I am saying that the foundation that I am building just isn’t complete yet. So, I won’t rest, I won’t take my foot off of the gas, and I won’t stop just yet!

Don’t get me wrong, I do leave the house and I do hang out! Don’t worry guys, I won’t go crazy, I get sunlight. But, I’m not at a space in my life where one of my concerns can be a work-life balance.

GOALS FOR MY RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m all about a foundation, authenticity, real connections, and not forcing it! So, I want to continue on with those ground rules!

I already do NOT allow everyone access to my energy, I don’t respond to the bare-minimum, and I’m just not a fan of this new-aged half-baked relationship that guys are offering, so if and when I allow someone a role in my life like ‘boyfriend’ he, like all others, will have to go through my extreme vetting process before being accepted. And, honestly, we’ll probably be married long before it’s even heard about publicly. 🤷🏾‍♀️

As far as friendships, I am taking a break from allowing ‘friends’ into my life. Those who are already there, I am working on our bonds and making sure that they still belong there. Basically, I am more interested in making sure that the friends who I currently claim are properly cared for and that our values and morals are aligned enough for us to remain friends.

So, I’m constantly doing a ton of work in the relationships department, and I plan to continue on with that. Modifying your circle is really an ongoing thing.

GOALS FOR THE EVERYDAY LIFE:

So, a couple of things:

(1) I’ve noticed that people are way into gossip;

(2) Saving money can save my life;

(3) People are legit out here falling for anything; and

(4) I seem to want more out of life and people than most other people.

Let’s circle back to my energy to cover these topics...

Listening to people talking crap about other people all day is exhausting… It truly is. I had this problem in law school where there was one girl around me who thrived on gossip about other people’s lives. Hanging around someone like her was just exhausting and I don’t plan on surrounding myself with people like that at all moving forward. So, one of my goals is to just STAY AWAY. A part of the problem for me is, if you can’t say it to the person, then you shouldn’t say it at all whether it will eventually reach that person or not. Another part of the problem is just that there are so many other things that you can be doing with your time than concerning yourself with other people!

The second one is self-explanatory. I simply need to save more money. Whether it’s for a rainy day or just because, saving money is a MAJOR KEY, so it needs to be a BIG goal for me.

Regarding my third point, I’ve beat this point with a bat repeatedly and basically what I’m saying is: I don’t want to be around the people who want everything to come easily. I want to be around those who are working for what they get. I’m not falling for “love” just because you’re here and desperate, I’m not falling for friendship just because we look good in pictures; and I’m not doing things that you think that I should be doing just because you would. My everyday life greatly just includes me remaining who I am and doing what I want!

Finally, I’m learning that my standards, my work ethic, and my mindset are things that aren’t shared by many. The things that people accept as right and put themselves through just to have a story are things that I simply cannot understand. While I’m here busily trying to accomplish things, change my tax bracket, and make a difference, those around me seem to be worried about some of the oddest things!

I’m just not cut from the same clothe! But, I’ve known this. So a constant goal for me is to deal, every day, with the things that test my patience without losing my mind; my goal is to find a healthy way to deal with the gossips around me; my goal is to SAVE; and my goal is to just remain ME.


I’m working constantly on bringing about change in my life. I want to see a positive change in my circle and in my everyday experiences and I’ll only get this if I stick to my goals.

Now, What are your current goals and how are you working to achieve them?

CVII: Y’all Need To Adopt Some Dealbreakers!

Set limits and keep them.

It scares me that a lot of people will carry and create burdens that they do not need to. 2019 has been thee year of burdens for me, so I actively avoid situations that will cause me to break. But, in my opinion, a big part of avoiding the breaking points and burdens is to establish some hard-line dealbreakers!

DEALBREAKERS ARE:

… Basically solid lines that cannot be crossed. In many situations, if those lines are crossed, then that thing (whatever it is) is over.

Dealbreakers are important! They are important in friendships, relationships, jobs, homes, etc. Set boundaries people! They will significantly help you with your mental health and overall wellness. If you just let people walk all over your nerves every waking moment, then I guarantee you that it won’t be long before you completely lose it.

I have dealbreakers in just about every situation, but you can blame that on the fact that I have very short nerves and even shorter patience. Here are a couple just in case you need a chuckle:

DEALBREAKERS IN MY CAR:

  1. Don’t touch my radio:

    My music collection is vast and definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, but, when you get into my vehicle, you are signing up for my music.
    My best advice to you would be to sit back, relax, and listen to the lyrics! I’m sure you’ll end up loving whatever I’m listening to.

  2. People who have full blown conversations on the phone once they get into my car:

    It’s not often that I sign up to be around other people, so, when I do I really don’t want to be there to hear you talking to someone else.
    It may be old school or weird, but it’s also conscious and considerate. Hang up the phone, let them know you’ll call them back, and either have a conversation with me or enjoy my music.

DEALBREAKERS AT HOME:

  1. When someone else parks in my parking spot:

    Even when there’s no assigned parking, people are routine enough to continuously park in the same spot. Eventually, you notice and it becomes their parking spot. Don’t mess with the status quo! Get with the parking program and quit parking in other people’s parking spots!

  2. Company:

    Space, peace and quiet, and honesty are some of my best friends! So, when I have roommates who basically invite other roommates to stay for a week or a weekend, it’s honestly awful.

    The problems mostly become (1) the fact that there is now a stranger in the house and not only is this stranger around my belongings, he/she is also around me. Now a lot of people are very lax with their personal safety. They’ll trust literally anyone to come into their home and stay if it means them not being alone. I’m not so trusting however, keep them away from me and my things. (2) Also, this world is crazy. I see that many of you continuously trust any and ever stranger, but I DO NOT. Allowing a stranger into my space is uncomfortable, so I usually just avoid company for the most part (even in my attempt to be minimally social).

DEALBREAKERS IN FRIENDSHIPS/RELATIONSHIPS:

  1. Lies.

    Now, people find it very hard to avoid lying, so I usually give them the benefit of the doubt, but that only goes so far.

    I’m much less inclined to forgive a lie when it is unnecessary because that usually means that that person will lie about anything! Also, repeat offenders get no love from me. If you can’t live without lying then our paths simply do not need to cross—ever!

  2. Off-putting Character Traits:

    So many times, if you just pay attention while getting to know someone, you can catch oddities or annoyances about a person long before you run off and marry them.

    Yes, I know that this would require you to actually think it through and that just about kills a lot of people! But I promise it will be worth it in the long run.
    Some people lay the traits out as plain as day: they lie constantly, they disappear, they’re narcissistic, they’re desperate or rushing in, they pin blame on everyone but themselves, etc. There could be so many red flags that you can catch if only you slow down and open your heart-shaped eyes!

    But you won’t because that’d be too much like right. HOWEVER, I do! I actively pay attention to the signs and get out when necessary (and the one time that I didn’t, I greatly regretted it).

  3. Rushing in:

    It is completely OKAY to not know someone. And, it’s even more ‘okay’ to just spend time getting to know someone.
    It is not okay, however, to force situations that simply should not be.
    When you have to guess something as simple as their favorite color, birthday or job just to save face in front of the friends that you’re bragging to, then you probably don’t know this person. AND THESE ARE VERY BASIC LEVEL CONVERSATIONS. If you’re missing those, imagine the big ones that you’re missing.

    But no, it’s much more appealing to jump into something just to be able to say that you have something, right?
    Rushing in is honestly a huge sign of (1) desperation; (2) someone hopping from situation to situation instead of processing the damage; or (3) the beginning of a very disappointing and lacking relationship.
    I promise you guys that you won’t die if you take time to be alone and really get to know yourself. I promise, you will survive that and you’ll be better because of it! Try it!

  4. People who are not self-aware:

    Now being self-aware applies to many areas and many things, so it won’t just look one way. BUT, it’s way more apparent that someone is NOT self-aware than anything else.

    I won’t go into huge details on this because there will be a separate post on this topic alone, but it definitely had to be listed!

So, these are a couple of my dealbreakers. My hope is that, if you don’t have any, you adopt some!


BE SURE TO CHECK OUT OTHER POSTS WHILE YOU’RE HERE:

  • For Growth, click here

  • For a little post on Love, click here

  • For my review of Mented Cosmetics, click here

  • For a bit on a chance meeting, click here

XCIX: Love Doesn't Always Win!

We are raised with the fairy tale versions of love and romance. Disney tells us watered-down versions of tragic stories that somehow end in love and not the tragedy that they really ended in, and television shows sell us versions of life that simply don’t exist anymore.

THE REALITY IS…

Rarely do you end up with the love of your life. Rarely do you end up not regretting your ultimate choices. What we miss in all of the Disney stories and TV shows is the fact that reality is much different. When you fight and that loneliness kicks in, the vulnerability kicks in harder and mistakes are made.

When you think that there is no fix to your relationship — because who shows up at your window with a radio playing you guys’ song anymore and apologizing — you take the easy road and you quit because there’s always someone who is also alone who will “help you through your break up”.

Next thing you know, you’re married and regret everything. Love does not “always win” anymore.

RESPONSIBILITY, TIMING, EASE, AND COMFORT ARE THE REAL WINNERS!

Responsibility

Sometimes, doing the right thing is hard and it means hurting 1, 2, or 3 people to ‘be the bigger person’. Sometimes you have to lose everything in the name of being responsible. And sometimes you have to live out everyday knowing full-well what you’ve done and why you’ve done it — you’re stuck. Not in love, but in life…

Timing

The less time you have to spend actually hurting, reflecting and healing, the better, right? These days lazy is the default.

I mean, who wants to sit around and think about the hurt that they’ve caused or actually grow up when they can just scroll down social media or look around and find someone who also doesn’t want to be alone. Next thing you know, we’re calling a fling of convenience “heaven sent” and timing wins again.

Ease

Don’t even have me ramble on in this section, we all know that we are sliding, full force, into the time of ease. Whatever’s easiest is usually the choice for MANY people, and, I mean, in the age of everyone needing attention there are very few people making things anything other than easy.

Comfort

Comfort kills.

And the thing about it is that the first thing that many people say is that they live outside of their comfort zones. But, I guarantee that if you spend one month with them (and not even that long) you will soon see that their comfort zone is their home. It’s all they know. And they are only fooling themselves.

Comfort is what keeps a lot of people where they are. It keeps them for going for what they actually want. It keeps them from trying. It keeps them from being honest. It keeps them from bliss.

But, let them tell it, 🎶comfort don’t live here anymore🎶. Lies.

WITH THESE THINGS BEING THE FACTS OF OUR DAY…

I don’t know whether I’m in full support of leaving any and all situations when they aren’t right or fighting for what you have. I can tell you that I used to fully advocate for fighting for what’s yours, fighting for what you’ve worked at, fighting for “love”.

But…

These days, people are so selfish with their decisions that they really make you have to fight for something that you should have already had! They’re so selfish that they expect any and all of their bad actions to go unpunished. They’re so selfish…

These days, all relationships give me pause — friendships, dating relationships, significant others, etc., with the way a lot of people play, I’ve learned that this game/joke that they’ve made out of love is NOT FOR ME.

so, I DON’T KNOW WHO NEEDS TO HEAR THIS, BUT:

Don’t be their fallback plan.

Don’t be their second choice.

Don’t be the reason that they’re “stuck”.

Don’t be the one who makes your children suffer through a bad marriage just to keep a marriage.

Don’t be the one who ignores all of the signs.

Don’t believe that love won’t knock on your door again.

Don’t convince yourself that you don’t deserve more.

Check yourself.

Check your spouse/partner/bf/gf.

Be real with yourself.

Be real with others.

Keep your head up.

Don’t you ever forget that Love is a privilege reserved for the victor.
— Eli Pope

XCVI: The Bad About Bree...

We’re so quick to write about and post the good, but what about the unsung hero? What about all that makes you a little less of an easy person to be around? What about the bad and the ugly?

This post is nothing but the bad and the ugly about me. But why am I being so open? Because I think that this world places so much pressure on us to be another person’s idea of “perfect” that many people have gotten used to faking it until they make it. I want to show everyone that you do not have to live this way to get that job, be blessed with that man, drive that car, or to make it. The W that you get just by being yourself trumps the temporary W that you get when you fake it, any day.

So, here it is:

I AM NOT FORGIVING:

I’m not good with second, third or fourth chances at all. I can think of literally one person that I gave a second chance to and he taught me that I should never do it again. I am simply not a forgiving person.

The way I see it, you had a choice. We all have a choice! And when we make a choice and another person is involved, they have the control to either make choices that will negatively affect you or not! That choice of whether or not they decided to engage in that behavior that would only end up hurting me is what I would then have to turn around and forgive them for, but why would I forgive you for something that you didn’t have to do to me?

Answer: I wouldn’t.

I’m just not that person. I honestly believe that people make choices regarding whether or not they will hurt you or be good to you, so I make the choice to always say no when it comes time to forgive.  I’m human, but I’m not human enough to sit around and be subjected to the same bad behavior over and over.

I AM NOT NICE:

I just simply am not.

This world does not like honesty — it really doesn’t like anything that’s not positive, coddling, reassuring or babying them and I provide few-to-none of those things which makes me come off as a meanie. I’m fine with this.

I’d rather be honest, real and myself than fake and “nice”.

A lot of people tell me that I should tone down the honesty or just keep it to myself, but I believe that that would just be a disservice to those around me. There are many people that you can be mediocre with, but I am simply not one of them.

The mediocre don’t last long in my life (and neither do the fakes ✌🏾).

I HAVE REALLY UGLY FEET:

I could blame this on the fact that my mom ran me over when I was younger, but I’m pretty sure that my feet are just ugly because they’re ugly.

Luckily for the world, my feet sweat so much that I wouldn’t dare slide around in open-toed shoes anyway. You’ll never have to see my feet. You’re welcome.

But, I do want the world to know that they are indeed ugly.

I DON’T TRUST PEOPLE:

I simply don’t.

I’ve put my trust into plenty of people in my twenty-some-odd years of life and they usually don’t deserve it. So now the default is just set to “ I don’t trust you” and “I won’t trust you”.

Earn it if you can. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I HAVE INSECURITIES:

I can bet you a pretty penny that anyone who suffers from issues with trusting people also suffers from insecurities of some sort.

Don’t get me wrong, I am fully secure in who I am as a person, and all of that jazz.

The issues come in when I am dealing with other people. Again, I’ve had “close friends” or people who “loved me” completely lie to my face which makes me uneasy in any situation that deals with people. So, my insecurity with others is more of a…:

I know that I’m capable of being a good person to you, but I also know that many are not equipped with that thing that tells you to treat others well and not to lie. So, I’m more insecure in trusting myself to put trust in you than anything else.

I LOVE WAY TOO HARD:

This is not necessarily a bad thing on it’s face, BUT…

This means that when you lie to me and I’m forced to walk away from what I thought was our beautiful friendship; or, when you treat me horribly, justify it, and then I decide that you’re dead to me, I’m usually stuck with that residual love.

Now even though that friendship/relationship wasn’t real to you (hence the reason you lied and/or treated me like I would always be around) it was real to me! Those feelings just don’t disappear.

But, it is the ultimate curse of someone real and of someone who really loves because that love doesn’t easily fade.

I will never be ashamed of how hard I’ve loved people, but I’m usually ashamed of the people I’ve loved.

I’M SUPER DIFFICULT:

There are levels to my difficulty and blame this on me being stuck in my own ways.

I am a person who genuinely loves to be alone. I love my solitude. I love having my phone on DND, and just not being bothered. But, in that solitude, I’ve gotten into routines. So during the random times where I am not alone or am with that special someone, it’s sometimes hard for me to completely leave my routine behind which just comes off as me being difficult.

I promise that I don’t try to be, but hey, what can I do!? Lol  


So, these are some of the bad and ugly things about me! Throw into this mix that I’m stubborn, often irrational, and unmoving and you’ve got a full pot of imperfections! 

Thanks for reading & see y’all in 2 months! ✌🏾

XC: How Social Media Has Killed My Chance At A Peaceful Existence?

First off, OD! If you know me personally then you know that I am extreme when it comes to certain things and sayings. This is one of them, so I’ll start with the disclaimers:

  1. I am obviously existing. Now whether or not that is peaceful has been up to my mind lately.

  2. I cannot fully blame social media because the inventors and innovators that got this thing up and running are obviously geniuses. They are not the ones who told us to use social media for the trash that a lot of us do! I’m just saying…

  3. I’m sure that once all that I am currently feeling has had its chance to pass, I will reach a period of something-like-peace and something-like-happiness, but right now, I am suffering at the hands of all who sign onto these enticing apps (more drama — you see how this is an addiction? Lol, moving forward).

Social media has taken so much from us and also given us a ton, but this post is about what it’s taken away:

One: OUR EMPATHY

With the recent passing of Nipsey Hussle, we’ve had hours upon hours of footage, posts, comments, screenshots, and so on of his final moments or peoples thoughts on the events or conspiracy theories about why this horrible event happened.

Yes, we see the posts of those who knew him mourning the loss of their friend, mentor, and family member but the fact that the video of him lying lifeless on the ground is being shared thousands of times and the fact that people are tagging his wife in these pictures and videos shows that we, as a people, are missing something essential…

It seems as though many of us act out with the thought of a like or a comment before checking our effect on others first. The big picture is that someone lost their life mate, someone else lost their father, another person lost their son, but people’s first thought is usually to capitalize on it. Why?

TWO: OUR HONESTY

Many on social media are known for putting on airs about the goings ons of their lives. That or they are adding fake-deep captions to stock images found online, vain images from the multitude of selfies in their camera rolls, or onto plain black backgrounds.

We love to convince ourselves that we are more than what we really are, don’t we?

I’ll never understand this and maybe it’s because I am too honest with myself, but people will lie until they make themselves believe it. They will lie to get their way. They will lie to get what they want. And, they will lie to get to the top.

But, imagine a time where you just work hard and your work speaks in the place of your lies. Imagine a world where you don’t have to keep up with the facade that you’ve been living. Just imagine…

Social media is a place where it’s so easy to fake it. Filters, tags, followers, etc. make it easy and even appealing to lie, but imagine how much more influential you could be living out your real, honest-to-goodness, truth.

THREE: OUR ABILITY TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT

I used to be afraid of missing moments. I’m the person that loves to add special moments to my photo album with a brief description of what happened, who I was with, and what those moments made me feel, but, in being that person, I had to live my life through my lens or on my phone. Although my reasoning for wanting to live this way makes sense during the times that I’m adding the pictures to my album, these same reasons don’t make sense once I’ve thought about it.

Many of the moments that I allow myself to have are worth being in fully. So whether or not I want to capture them so that I can relive them later doesn’t matter! There is no experience like what you are currently experiencing!

But, you can’t have that joy if you’re constantly taking selfies into your phones camera, and you can’t have that joy if you’re too busy watching other people’s lives play out instead of living your own.

BUT, LET’S DISCUSS MY PEACE:

I decided to write this post because there are times where social media becomes so overwhelming for me. And, by that, I mean that I cannot stop flipping from one news story to the next. I’ll see news on something tragic like a plane crash, flip over to another source writing on a kidnapping, and then a story pops up about a 21-year-old college student being killed by someone who she mistakingly believed to be her Uber driver, and THEN news about an influential musical and charitable genius being gunned down in the community that he’s given so much to.

It gets overwhelming and those are the times that my peace starts to feel shaken.

And, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Well, just don’t look at the news stories”, and I’m just going to say that I wish it were that easy…

I know that many reach points of uneasiness because of social media, and I know that you get to this point for ranging reasons, but I’m just here to say DON’T BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR PHONES DOWN AND LIVE IN THE MOMENTS.