Compassionate

XCVI: The Bad About Bree...

We’re so quick to write about and post the good, but what about the unsung hero? What about all that makes you a little less of an easy person to be around? What about the bad and the ugly?

This post is nothing but the bad and the ugly about me. But why am I being so open? Because I think that this world places so much pressure on us to be another person’s idea of “perfect” that many people have gotten used to faking it until they make it. I want to show everyone that you do not have to live this way to get that job, be blessed with that man, drive that car, or to make it. The W that you get just by being yourself trumps the temporary W that you get when you fake it, any day.

So, here it is:

I AM NOT FORGIVING:

I’m not good with second, third or fourth chances at all. I can think of literally one person that I gave a second chance to and he taught me that I should never do it again. I am simply not a forgiving person.

The way I see it, you had a choice. We all have a choice! And when we make a choice and another person is involved, they have the control to either make choices that will negatively affect you or not! That choice of whether or not they decided to engage in that behavior that would only end up hurting me is what I would then have to turn around and forgive them for, but why would I forgive you for something that you didn’t have to do to me?

Answer: I wouldn’t.

I’m just not that person. I honestly believe that people make choices regarding whether or not they will hurt you or be good to you, so I make the choice to always say no when it comes time to forgive.  I’m human, but I’m not human enough to sit around and be subjected to the same bad behavior over and over.

I AM NOT NICE:

I just simply am not.

This world does not like honesty — it really doesn’t like anything that’s not positive, coddling, reassuring or babying them and I provide few-to-none of those things which makes me come off as a meanie. I’m fine with this.

I’d rather be honest, real and myself than fake and “nice”.

A lot of people tell me that I should tone down the honesty or just keep it to myself, but I believe that that would just be a disservice to those around me. There are many people that you can be mediocre with, but I am simply not one of them.

The mediocre don’t last long in my life (and neither do the fakes ✌🏾).

I HAVE REALLY UGLY FEET:

I could blame this on the fact that my mom ran me over when I was younger, but I’m pretty sure that my feet are just ugly because they’re ugly.

Luckily for the world, my feet sweat so much that I wouldn’t dare slide around in open-toed shoes anyway. You’ll never have to see my feet. You’re welcome.

But, I do want the world to know that they are indeed ugly.

I DON’T TRUST PEOPLE:

I simply don’t.

I’ve put my trust into plenty of people in my twenty-some-odd years of life and they usually don’t deserve it. So now the default is just set to “ I don’t trust you” and “I won’t trust you”.

Earn it if you can. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I HAVE INSECURITIES:

I can bet you a pretty penny that anyone who suffers from issues with trusting people also suffers from insecurities of some sort.

Don’t get me wrong, I am fully secure in who I am as a person, and all of that jazz.

The issues come in when I am dealing with other people. Again, I’ve had “close friends” or people who “loved me” completely lie to my face which makes me uneasy in any situation that deals with people. So, my insecurity with others is more of a…:

I know that I’m capable of being a good person to you, but I also know that many are not equipped with that thing that tells you to treat others well and not to lie. So, I’m more insecure in trusting myself to put trust in you than anything else.

I LOVE WAY TOO HARD:

This is not necessarily a bad thing on it’s face, BUT…

This means that when you lie to me and I’m forced to walk away from what I thought was our beautiful friendship; or, when you treat me horribly, justify it, and then I decide that you’re dead to me, I’m usually stuck with that residual love.

Now even though that friendship/relationship wasn’t real to you (hence the reason you lied and/or treated me like I would always be around) it was real to me! Those feelings just don’t disappear.

But, it is the ultimate curse of someone real and of someone who really loves because that love doesn’t easily fade.

I will never be ashamed of how hard I’ve loved people, but I’m usually ashamed of the people I’ve loved.

I’M SUPER DIFFICULT:

There are levels to my difficultly and blame this on me being stuck in my own ways.

I am a person who genuinely loves to be alone. I love my solitude. I love having my phone on DND, and just not being bothered. But, in that solitude, I’ve gotten into routines. So during the random times where I am not alone or am with that special someone, it’s sometimes hard for me to completely leave my routine behind which just comes off as me being difficult.

I promise that I don’t try to be, but hey, what can I do!? Lol  


So, these are some of the bad and ugly things about me! Throw into this mix that I’m stubborn, often irrational, and unmoving and you’ve got a full pot of imperfections! 

Thanks for reading & see y’all in 2 months! ✌🏾

LXXX:... Would I Have Any Regrets?

Life is unpredictable, and I oftentimes wonder if I’d have any regrets should I reach my last day.

Have I done everything that I’ve wanted? Did I say everything that I needed to everyone in my life? Did I love as hard as I could? And do the people that I love, appreciate, and admire know that I love, appreciate and admire them? 

Would I regret the fact that I haven’t even made it through half of my Bucketlist? Would I regret the fact that I have never found my passion?


I’ve always made it a point to try and live the life that I want. I’ve always walked to the beat of my own drum, I’ve used myself as a gauge for my progress and growth, and I’ve given my all to my friendships and relationships.

These are the things that I take the most pride in. But would others know that I’ve done all that I could to be a force for good in their lives? Would they know that I did all that I could to be the best friend, love, cousin, sister, daughter that I could possibly be? Would they know?

Would I feel that I’ve done all that I could in this life? Would I be able to say that I’ve touched enough lives? Have I been a good love to someone? Have I been a disappointment to someone? I have no clue, but there are a couple of things that I do know. 🤔


In this life, I’ve:

I: Seen Paris

II: Fallen In Love With Washington D.C.

III: Had Love, Many Times

🙄, Let’s be real! I’ve loved many times but was it returned? Obviously not considering the way they all go.

The goal is always to love and be loved, but Let’s Be Real, as we move more towards an easy and selfish existence, finding love is getting to be more and more impossible. People are there for the easy and fun part of the ride but they are gone the second things become work —- and this is definitely not love.

So, I doubt that I’ve experienced a returned or even real love, but I have definitely loved someone and there’s no greater [or scarier] feeling. 💕

IV: Had Bestfriends Galore

V: Eaten A Ton

VI: Seen Seattle

VII: Walked Through Huge Trees and Beautiful Snow In Virginia

VA

VIII: Learned To Ride A Bike(Twice)/Longboard

Now, things with wheels, apart from cars, are obviously not for me, but I like getting out there and trying new things. And, who could’ve known that seeing new cities by bike or longboard could be so exciting?!

Now, things with wheels, apart from cars, are obviously not for me, but I like getting out there and trying new things. And, who could’ve known that seeing new cities by bike or longboard could be so exciting?!

IX: Been A Wrestler

X: Been/Am A Ballet Dancer

My secret love that no one gets to see me do. 😉  Sometimes you just need something that’s all yours.

My secret love that no one gets to see me do. 😉

Sometimes you just need something that’s all yours.

XI: Been To du mussée du Louvre

XII: Had Many Regrets

So many people that I regret associating with; so much love that I regret giving; and so much pain that I regret causing and so much pain that I regret giving my time. But, without any of these things, I wouldn’t have learned so many lessons.

I’ll keep the past regrets, but I’m definitely on a mission to do better ALWAYS.


This post is just a reminder to myself to always say what I feel, do what I want, and love as hard as I possibly can. A lot of things and people in this world have turned me off to love and friendship in general, but I know that my love is valuable, my friendship is one-of-a-kind, and I am hilarious to be around.

Those who have chosen to walk out of my life and/or treat me wrong have chosen to do so solely on their own. BUT I REFUSE TO LET THEM BE THE REASON THAT I LEAVE THIS WORLD WITH ANY REGRETS.

So, have I found my true love? No.

Have I effected the amount of change on this world that I set out to? No.

Have I found my passion yet? No.

But, have I traveled, loved, smiled, eaten, and been unapologetically me? Absolutely.

So basically, I would gladly leave this world with no regrets. I hope you all can say the same. 🖤

LXXV: My Black Is... Creative?

It is thanks to so many African Americans that we get to enjoy MANY of the things that we enjoy today. And let me tell you, no one celebrates Us like we celebrate Us. So this post is me just shining light and celebrating my people who continue to trail-blaze, kill the game, and completely snatch all of the wigs off of consumers.


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Let’s start with Bay Area’s own, Ryan Coogler - Marvel’s youngest filmmaker, with record-setting highs in the box office for Black Panther & phenomenal works like Creed (original story), & Fruitvale Station.

Oakland bred and Sacramento State Alum (like myself), Ryan Coogler!


Beyoncé - Icon, Mogul, Queen of Everything. I really don’t need to say more, but I will: activist, humanitarian, mother, wife, ever-enduring, passionate, compassionate, giving, Queen Beyoncé.

She literally has people begging that she pass the torch (i.e. stop putting out music, doing tours, etc.) so that these other girls can catch up. When you reach this level, it means that you’re not done, it means that you’ve got them shook, and it means that you are the greatest of all time!

She is the most Grammy-nominated and second-most Grammy awarded woman in Grammy history as well as the only artist to have ALL of her studio albums debut at Number 1.


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Marsai Martin - World’s youngest producer and first to ink first look deal with Universal!

Comedic cuteness, and such a huge heart. It’s like we’ve watched her grow up on Black•Ish over the years but now she’s blossomed into the beautiful woman who we KNOW cannot be stopped.

I am excited to see what’s to come from her because I know it will not be anything light! Keep your foot on our necks, Sis! You’re killing it.


Tracee Ellis Ross - Motha! Actress, motivator, #bodygoals, director, comedian and television host.

Young Ms. Ross who I know best for her role as Joan Clayton on Girlfriends. I literally grew up wanting to be the crazy friend that Joan Clayton was. I watched her become a lawyer, decide that that was not for her and then start a whole new career in her 40’s!

If anything, over the years, Tracee Ellis Ross has given me hope in many areas of my life. And the part that I love most is that she’s done it for YEARS without the need to have a man by her side. I don’t know how but I simply aspire to not feel as though I need a teammate, a partner or someone to battle this cruel cruel world with.

Tracee you are, remain, and will always be GOALS.


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Dr. Shirley Jackson - A top woman in science and invention. Inventor of the touch-tone phone, caller ID and fiber optic cable. A leader in telecommunication inventions, Dr. Shirley Jackson!

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Philip Emeagwali - Creator of the world’s fastest computer.

A Nigerian native who has made tremendous advances in computer science. Winner of the 1989 Gordon Bell Prize for high-performance computing applications.