Commitment

XCIX: Love Doesn't Always Win!

We are raised with the fairy tale versions of love and romance. Disney tells us watered-down versions of tragic stories that somehow end in love and not the tragedy that they really ended in, and television shows sell us versions of life that simply don’t exist anymore.

THE REALITY IS…

Rarely do you end up with the love of your life. Rarely do you end up not regretting your ultimate choices. What we miss in all of the Disney stories and TV shows is the fact that reality is much different. When you fight and that loneliness kicks in, the vulnerability kicks in harder and mistakes are made.

When you think that there is no fix to your relationship — because who shows up at your window with a radio playing you guys’ song anymore and apologizing — you take the easy road and you quit because there’s always someone who is also alone who will “help you through your break up”.

Next thing you know, you’re married and regret everything. Love does not “always win” anymore.

RESPONSIBILITY, TIMING, EASE, AND COMFORT ARE THE REAL WINNERS!

Responsibility

Sometimes, doing the right thing is hard and it means hurting 1, 2, or 3 people to ‘be the bigger person’. Sometimes you have to lose everything in the name of being responsible. And sometimes you have to live out everyday knowing full-well what you’ve done and why you’ve done it — you’re stuck. Not in love, but in life…

Timing

The less time you have to spend actually hurting, reflecting and healing, the better, right? These days lazy is the default.

I mean, who wants to sit around and think about the hurt that they’ve caused or actually grow up when they can just scroll down social media or look around and find someone who also doesn’t want to be alone. Next thing you know, we’re calling a fling of convenience “heaven sent” and timing wins again.

Ease

Don’t even have me ramble on in this section, we all know that we are sliding, full force, into the time of ease. Whatever’s easiest is usually the choice for MANY people, and, I mean, in the age of everyone needing attention there are very few people making things anything other than easy.

Comfort

Comfort kills.

And the thing about it is that the first thing that many people say is that they live outside of their comfort zones. But, I guarantee that if you spend one month with them (and not even that long) you will soon see that their comfort zone is their home. It’s all they know. And they are only fooling themselves.

Comfort is what keeps a lot of people where they are. It keeps them for going for what they actually want. It keeps them from trying. It keeps them from being honest. It keeps them from bliss.

But, let them tell it, 🎶comfort don’t live here anymore🎶. Lies.

WITH THESE THINGS BEING THE FACTS OF OUR DAY…

I don’t know whether I’m in full support of leaving any and all situations when they aren’t right or fighting for what you have. I can tell you that I used to fully advocate for fighting for what’s yours, fighting for what you’ve worked at, fighting for “love”.

But…

These days, people are so selfish with their decisions that they really make you have to fight for something that you should have already had! They’re so selfish that they expect any and all of their bad actions to go unpunished. They’re so selfish…

These days, all relationships give me pause — friendships, dating relationships, significant others, etc., with the way a lot of people play, I’ve learned that this game/joke that they’ve made out of love is NOT FOR ME.

so, I DON’T KNOW WHO NEEDS TO HEAR THIS, BUT:

Don’t be their fallback plan.

Don’t be their second choice.

Don’t be the reason that they’re “stuck”.

Don’t be the one who makes your children suffer through a bad marriage just to keep a marriage.

Don’t be the one who ignores all of the signs.

Don’t believe that love won’t knock on your door again.

Don’t convince yourself that you don’t deserve more.

Check yourself.

Check your spouse/partner/bf/gf.

Be real with yourself.

Be real with others.

Keep your head up.

Don’t you ever forget that Love is a privilege reserved for the victor.
— Eli Pope

XLVII: When Is It Right To Bring Him Home To Mama?

In such hasty times, how does one know when’s the right time to bring that special someone home to meet the parents?

I, personally, say that ‘the longer you can wait, the better’ (and I also feel the same way about introducing him/her to your friends)! But, there are definitely steps and signs to look for to determine whether you are both ready to Meet The Parents:

The Conversation:

Now, some guys do rush into things just as much as some girls do. When the rush is presented, it comes with the opportunity for the correct conversations to be had.

In other words, this is the open door to the talks about where your relationship is headed. Where I’m from, you don’t just introduce any old body to your family, so, in having the appropriate conversations, you ensure that you’re not invited someone into you and your family’s life who doesn’t deserve to be there.

This conversation will look many ways, but the main goal here is to at least talk about it. In talking about it, it is important to weigh the pros and cons of introducing your significant other to your family, it is important to discuss why you even believe that it is time to introduce one another to the family, and it is important because each person can then know what to expect once the family has been introduced and what the next steps for the couple will be.

So, have the conversation! It’s so necessary and it will open the door to truths about whether Meeting The Parents is the correct “next step” in your relationship. 

The Choice:

Sometimes we just convince ourselves that:

(1) we’re great together so there’s no way that this won’t last;

(2) we’re in love and this is what we want; and/or

(3) we’ve made it this far, we might as well go the distance.

This impatience is surely to be to your own detriment. I’ve rushed into introducing someone who is now (of course) an ex to my family and I completely regret it. I cherish my family so much, and when I was finally shown who my ex really was, it was so disappointing for me to have introduced such a horrible person to my flock of great people.

So, although your significant other may seem to be so enticing, so smart, so beautiful, so perfect now, be wary until you truly know this person before bringing them home. Protect your family from him/her by getting to know who you’re dealing with before choosing to make MTP the next step in your relationship.

The Coincidence:

Sometimes we accidentally Meet The Parents!

You know, that awkward run in, or the emergency that removes you from the comfort of your date night and places you smack dab in the emergency waiting room with all of your family and your newest beau.

This situation is often unavoidable, so order your steps carefully following this initial encounter.

The Commitment:  

In my opinion, the best time to introduce him/her to the family is when you’ve both committed yourselves to each other. At this point, you both know that you’re serious about each other, you’ve chosen to be faithful to each other, to respect and love each other, to support each other & to put each other first, etc. This is when it’s REAL.

At this point, there should be no doubts in the minds of either party and you both should know each others ins and outs, love languages, wants and needs, modes of communication, etc. You know who you’re dealing with at this point.

The only con to waiting this long is that you run the risk of your family not liking him or her. But, by this point, the idea is that you’ve put your significant other through an intensive vetting process and there’s no way that you could love some that your family doesn’t (unless they are choosing not to for other reasons). 


Good luck to all of the couples out there taking this big step! I wish you all the best.