Breathe

XCVI: The Bad About Bree...

We’re so quick to write about and post the good, but what about the unsung hero? What about all that makes you a little less of an easy person to be around? What about the bad and the ugly?

This post is nothing but the bad and the ugly about me. But why am I being so open? Because I think that this world places so much pressure on us to be another person’s idea of “perfect” that many people have gotten used to faking it until they make it. I want to show everyone that you do not have to live this way to get that job, be blessed with that man, drive that car, or to make it. The W that you get just by being yourself trumps the temporary W that you get when you fake it, any day.

So, here it is:

I AM NOT FORGIVING:

I’m not good with second, third or fourth chances at all. I can think of literally one person that I gave a second chance to and he taught me that I should never do it again. I am simply not a forgiving person.

The way I see it, you had a choice. We all have a choice! And when we make a choice and another person is involved, they have the control to either make choices that will negatively affect you or not! That choice of whether or not they decided to engage in that behavior that would only end up hurting me is what I would then have to turn around and forgive them for, but why would I forgive you for something that you didn’t have to do to me?

Answer: I wouldn’t.

I’m just not that person. I honestly believe that people make choices regarding whether or not they will hurt you or be good to you, so I make the choice to always say no when it comes time to forgive.  I’m human, but I’m not human enough to sit around and be subjected to the same bad behavior over and over.

I AM NOT NICE:

I just simply am not.

This world does not like honesty — it really doesn’t like anything that’s not positive, coddling, reassuring or babying them and I provide few-to-none of those things which makes me come off as a meanie. I’m fine with this.

I’d rather be honest, real and myself than fake and “nice”.

A lot of people tell me that I should tone down the honesty or just keep it to myself, but I believe that that would just be a disservice to those around me. There are many people that you can be mediocre with, but I am simply not one of them.

The mediocre don’t last long in my life (and neither do the fakes ✌🏾).

I HAVE REALLY UGLY FEET:

I could blame this on the fact that my mom ran me over when I was younger, but I’m pretty sure that my feet are just ugly because they’re ugly.

Luckily for the world, my feet sweat so much that I wouldn’t dare slide around in open-toed shoes anyway. You’ll never have to see my feet. You’re welcome.

But, I do want the world to know that they are indeed ugly.

I DON’T TRUST PEOPLE:

I simply don’t.

I’ve put my trust into plenty of people in my twenty-some-odd years of life and they usually don’t deserve it. So now the default is just set to “ I don’t trust you” and “I won’t trust you”.

Earn it if you can. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I HAVE INSECURITIES:

I can bet you a pretty penny that anyone who suffers from issues with trusting people also suffers from insecurities of some sort.

Don’t get me wrong, I am fully secure in who I am as a person, and all of that jazz.

The issues come in when I am dealing with other people. Again, I’ve had “close friends” or people who “loved me” completely lie to my face which makes me uneasy in any situation that deals with people. So, my insecurity with others is more of a…:

I know that I’m capable of being a good person to you, but I also know that many are not equipped with that thing that tells you to treat others well and not to lie. So, I’m more insecure in trusting myself to put trust in you than anything else.

I LOVE WAY TOO HARD:

This is not necessarily a bad thing on it’s face, BUT…

This means that when you lie to me and I’m forced to walk away from what I thought was our beautiful friendship; or, when you treat me horribly, justify it, and then I decide that you’re dead to me, I’m usually stuck with that residual love.

Now even though that friendship/relationship wasn’t real to you (hence the reason you lied and/or treated me like I would always be around) it was real to me! Those feelings just don’t disappear.

But, it is the ultimate curse of someone real and of someone who really loves because that love doesn’t easily fade.

I will never be ashamed of how hard I’ve loved people, but I’m usually ashamed of the people I’ve loved.

I’M SUPER DIFFICULT:

There are levels to my difficulty and blame this on me being stuck in my own ways.

I am a person who genuinely loves to be alone. I love my solitude. I love having my phone on DND, and just not being bothered. But, in that solitude, I’ve gotten into routines. So during the random times where I am not alone or am with that special someone, it’s sometimes hard for me to completely leave my routine behind which just comes off as me being difficult.

I promise that I don’t try to be, but hey, what can I do!? Lol  


So, these are some of the bad and ugly things about me! Throw into this mix that I’m stubborn, often irrational, and unmoving and you’ve got a full pot of imperfections! 

Thanks for reading & see y’all in 2 months! ✌🏾

LXVI: 8 Steps to Happy!

I don’t know who needs this post more than I do, so excuse this selfish moment, but this post is for ME.

Life is a constant stream of ups and downs. Some leave you feeling good and others, not so much. I have found that, when my heart is happy, it is easier to deal with those moments that aren’t so great. So, this post is all about keeping my huge heart happy, and, in true Brianna J. style, I am taking it in steps:

STEP ONE: BREATHE.

Honestly, when I am overwhelmed with work, or emotion, or anything, I kind of forget to breathe! I hold my breath over and over again, and somehow avoid dying. It’s not on purpose, it’s just a tensing up thing that my body does when stressed.

This has been happening a lot lately and it keeps me up at night! So, I am working on breathing my way through situations. I take deep breaths in and out and just try to refocus myself.

This is something like meditating because all of your attention zeros in on your breathe. It is a beautiful mind-clearing technique, and it also keeps me from giving myself heart problems later down the line.

STEP TWO: RESET.

Each person’s reset will look differently, but is equally important.

Again, for me, my reset is me simply getting back into a routine that works for me. Anytime that my routine is offset for one reason or another, I suffer.

Fixing my routine is not always as easy as it sounds and sometimes takes me months to do, but a month to fix my routine is much better than a year of being in and out of a depressive state.

STEP THREE: LET IT ALL GO. 

We can’t waste our lives trying to figure out where one situation went wrong.  We simply have to move forward.

Let go of all that is gone. You won’t get it back, so move forward. 

I am a strong believer in ‘What Is For Me Will Not Pass Me’, so if someone wants to leave my life, then so be it.  Let them leave. Let it go! They no longer deserve to benefit from your energy. Your energy is a blessing that not everyone deserves to enjoy.

If you didn’t pass that test, then let it go! That test is gone. It’s already been failed and you won’t get those moments back. Instead, focus your energy on studying to take it again, or studying for the next test. But, the focus here is letting it go!

STEP FOUR: WATCH YOUR ENERGY. 

Your energy is different than anyone else’s. Protect it!  

You get what you put out into this world, so, if your energy is off, you’ll continue to meet people who will make you wish you’d never met them. If your energy is good, then you’ll surely meet more keepers.

You know that saying, ‘how you get em is how you lose em’? Well, I’m 99% sure that that has everything to do with energy. You meet someone while your you’re in the trenches and you’ll get complete crap people, they’ll put you right back into the trenches because that’s what they know! 

If you reset after that situation and fix your energy, you’ll meet people who match that good energy, and better relationships will form. 

STEP FIVE: BE WILLING.

I’ve been to that place before where I wasn’t willing  to work my way up to a happier state. I figured that I was placed in that sad spot for a reason and  that I had picked myself up one too many times already, so I just wanted to dwell in the down for a little while. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you do  just need to feel it!

But, once you’re done with that, you then have to be willing to accept the happiness to come. Again, it’s about energy. Once you exude happiness, happiness finds you. Once you need for nothing, everything will become yours. But, above all, be willing when it comes... 

STEP SIX: CHANGE IT UP.

Something about what you’re doing is obviously not working. Maybe the foods that you are eating are weighing you down. Maybe your circle of friends is too toxic. Maybe your relationship has run it’s course…

CHANGE IT UP! You owe it to yourself to be happy, but happiness won’t come with complacency or with playing it safe. If studying indoors makes you feel gloomy and sad, study outdoors for a change! If the people in your circle bring you down with their ways, then let them go! Be alone for awhile.

You can keep your routine and change things up, so you basically have no excuse not to give a change a try.

STEP SEVEN: RELEASE THOSE ENDORPHINS!

This means getting rid of more toxins within yourself.

Work out.

Eat chocolate.

Get physical by doing yoga, riding a bicycle, longboarding, snowboarding, or whatever you do that gets you moving!

There are so many ways to get that release, so all you have to do is go for it!

STEP EIGHT: WATCH THAT CIRCLE.

You will always be a reflection of those who you decide to surround yourself with.  

Sometimes it hurts to have to get rid of people because, maybe you had a fun relationship, but that part of the person that brings toxic energy is not worth sacrificing your mental well-being to keep them.

Also, keep a close eye on those who are only around you when things are good. It is so easy to be there for someone when they have nothing for you to be there for them about. Pay close attention to those who are there for you while you’re in the trenches — those are the people who deserve to be in your circle.

Thanks for reading! I wish happiness onto you all. 💕