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LXXXI: I Think I’ve Earned My Right To Not Be Okay With BS, Yes?

Someone asked that I write out this post so that I can get it all out and “feel better”.

I honestly do not believe that writing out this post will help me at all, but I do believe that it will help some of my close friends understand why I’ve been so distant.

I TEND TO DISTANCE MYSELF WHEN I’M AT A LOSS.

I am the type of person that believes that you can bring down other peoples’s mood with your mood, so I feel that, me feeling down daily will affect those around me. I, of course, do not like that. So, I distance myself. I don’t see the point in discussing the things that have gotten me down because it’s usually the case that, if I’m already at the point, then we’re past the time where something can be done about it.

A BIG PART OF THIS POST IS THE SIMPLE FACT THAT I GIVE UP ON EVERYTHING!

I am done with everything.

I have worked my butt off for decades at everything and everyone in my life. Doors were closed in my face, and I’d pivot and open new doors. I was told no, and I’d lift my head and make a ‘yes’ out of it. I was given lemons, I always made lemonade. I was given dead flowers and I turned them into a backdrop.

But, I am tired.

For years I’ve picked myself up, I’ve been my own hero. I’ve been my own biggest fan. I’ve been my own cheerleader. I’ve fought. I’ve studied. I’ve learned. I’ve tried. BUT I AM DONE.

I’ve worked myself to a point of knowing, wholeheartedly, that I deserve a break. So, I’m taking one.

I’m tired of having to pick myself up after other people’s disappointments. I’m tired of being stuck with the thought and memories of people who have no thoughts and memories of me. I am tired of wanting better for people who do not even want better for themselves.

SUPERHERO OFF DUTY.

That's All Folks.gif

This superhero is now off duty. I do not want to be the strong Black woman who has it all together, who is always working her butt off at everything only to come second, and who gives her all to relationships only to end up not even knowing the person once it’s over.

For the time being, I am free.

There is very little that I care about and very little that I am going to do. Apart from studying and finishing up law school strong, I am done. I don’t care about anything. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to even talk to anyone. 🤷🏾‍♀️

BUT, WHY IS THIS OKAY?

In my opinion, this is okay because, the alternative is to lose my mind. I’d rather not allow the things and people of this world to make me insane. I’d rather do what I need to do to keep my sanity.

Realizing your limits is a very important thing. And person to person, those limits will look very different. For me, this is what it looks like when I’ve reached my limit. I literally have to throw my hands up regarding everything in my life and just let it all go.

I think that, as long as I explain to my readers why my content has been one-sided, and as long as I explain to my friends and family why I’ve been so distant then I’ve officially covered my bases and can begin to do what I need to do for me.

Luckily for my readers, I love blogging, so I will continue to blog, but apart from that, I’m off the grid. ✌🏾

LXXIX: Blogspiration!

“Where do you get the inspiration to write so many posts [over the years]?”

I get this question a lot!

Let’s call it “Blogspiration” and let’s say that it hits me at the most random of times! Now, I will start by saying that I have experienced multiple droughts where I just had absolutely nothing in the Creative Tank and just felt like such a loser for it. And then I’ve had times where I fully accepted that I had no new ideas and would rather skip a week than put out content that I don’t even like.

But, for the most part, inspiration for a new blog post strikes me as life happens!

For those who don’t know, I started my blog because I had kept a journal for as long as I can remember but felt as though my experiences and thoughts were relatable! So, I took to the streets with my thoughts and, to my surprise, they’ve been very well received.

Life, as I’ve experienced it, has been a crazy stream of goods and bads; crazies and calms; and adores and detests. So, my blog reflects much of that.

There are times when inspiration for a new post sparks while I’m at a grocery store and I just pull out my phone and put the title of the post in. Luckily for me and the way that I work, all I need is a blog post title and I can usually take it from there. The ideas just flow.

But, for bloggers out there struggling, here are some topics that I’ve covered and some that I haven’t. My hope is that this post will be helpful to any of you out there who may be suffering in the “new post” department:

new post topic ideas:

  • Favorite Youtubers/Instagram Accts

  • Diet and Exercise - always big topics

  • Product Review Posts!

  • Pop Culture

  • Politics 🙄

  • Fitness Goals/Updates

  • Law-Related Posts (which I plan on doing more of)

  • DIY Projects

  • Home Decor via Pinterest

  • Top 5 Pinterest Accts to Follow

  • Best Holiday Travel Locations

  • Tips for Other Bloggers

topics I’ve tackled:

  • Beauty product reviews

  • Winery reviews

  • Movie Theater Woes

  • Television

  • Body Image

  • Clothes Reviews

  • Self-Worth

  • Health & Wellness

  • Fitness

  • PR Opportunities

  • Food

  • Travel

  • Holidays

Hopefully this post was helpful to those of you who are currently on a blogging journey!

Happy Publishing! 🖤

LXXII: Oh, So You Just Have NO Self-Control... ?

Song: I Hate Giving You Everything by Arlissa

Some situations have ‘unhealthy’ written all over them. And yet, they are so appealing!

I have never encountered a situation that worked, didn’t and then became unhealthy to the point of having to split before NOW. How human of me, right? I hate it.

So, the mind is a crazy thing. Add to that the powers of the heart and you’ve got nothing but trouble. All of this leads to my current feelings:

I: I really want to keep something around that really needs to be let go of

II: I really miss having someone around who really shouldn’t be around

III: I really wish things went differently, when who knows if that situation was even for me

I could rack my brain and play out scenarios for days where we don’t lose what oftentimes feels special or different, but then how will we become who we are meant to become? But let’s slow it down:

Honestly, in all of my moments of weakness surrounding this whole ordeal, I find myself missing our laughs, our random conversations, our arguments and disagreements, our crazy and random adventures and so much more on the broad spectrum. On the narrower spectrum, I find myself missing his eyes, his laugh, his touch, his insane sense of humor, or the way that his face just works (maybe even left-handed things)!

These are the moments that I think, ‘Oh, one text message wouldn’t hurt’, or ‘Hmm, maybe we should just hang out and keep it light’. IT’S LEGITIMATELY AN INTERNAL BATTLE.

 

Sidebar: Have you ever been in a battle with your mind and your heart? That is the most uncontrolled fight you will ever take part in. Impulse is literally the only winner when those two are fighting and my impulse is usually an ‘okay, send the text’. I give in!!!

 

BUT HOW WILL I GROW IF I’M NOT EVEN WILLING TO EXERCISE SELF-CONTROL IN THIS INSTANCE?

My biggest fear in “letting myself grow away from this situation” or in exercising self-control (as I’ve put it) is that maybe I am not supposed to let it go so easily (and I use that loosely because it has not been easy). Maybe I am supposed to fight for it. Maybe this one is worth it (chuckle chuckle, because, are they ever worth it? 🤔).

Two factors, however, control what I can do in this situation: (1) I can’t fix it alone — teamwork makes the dream work, and (2) I don’t want to fight for something that will land me in a worse position than the one I’m already in!

These two factors usually help determine what you should do, or which direction you should go next with whomever this person-in-question is. The fact that giving up is easier than actually putting in work for what’s worth it makes it to where teamwork would be impossible in my situation. Some people like complacency and everything that comes easily is preferred. If they have to work for it, then they don’t want it. And secondly, with a person like this, how would I not end up in a worse position?! I’d be fighting for something that the other party would just drop the moment it gets difficult!

If my two factors above establish whether or not self-control needs to be exercised, then it is abundantly clear that this situation has got to go and that it’s on me to exercise enough control to ensure that it does!

In 100% transparency, I have completely said self-control be darned and just given into it at every avenue, but at some point we have to acknowledge that:

THIS NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE IS EXACTLY WHAT WAS NEEDED TO SPARK THE LIGHT THAT LIT THE FIRE IN WHO I AM ABOUT TO BECOME.

You can’t grow if you don’t change what is not good around you and within you. Exercise of self-control is just a step. Perseverance is a requirement. Self-awareness is imperative. Reflection is crucial. And, knowing your self-worth will literally save your life.

With that, I’ve let it go! 🤷🏾‍♀️

LXIX: Blogs To Be On The Lookout For?

Oh Hay, 2019! Let’s start the year off right by loving on some bloggers, authors and content creators!

A big part of blogging is engaging with the blogging community, so why not do a Tag Post!

In this post, I’ll share a couple of blogs by bloggers that I came across on Twitter (⬅️Click the Link to find and follow me). I will try my best to sort them by their focus areas, but excuse me if I miss the mark a bit — a lot of the following bloggers specialize in many areas.

Let’s dive in:

 

AUTHORS

The Colonel & The Bee   By: Patrick Canning  Website:  https://www.patrickcanningbooks.com/

The Colonel & The Bee

By: Patrick Canning

Website: https://www.patrickcanningbooks.com/

Brenna Morgan & The Iron Key   By: Katie Masters  Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Katie_Masters29

Brenna Morgan & The Iron Key

By: Katie Masters

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Katie_Masters29

These particular book bloggers and authors feature either chapter books, or reviews of books to their sites for readers to enjoy. As a book blogger myself, I love the set up of these bloggers’ sites and content! Check them out by clicking below:

https://readitbyroma.wordpress.com/

http://dhawaljoshi.in

 

BEAUTY BLOGGERS

Messages Image(1611716800).png

Beauty that Walks is a lifestyle, hair, make-up, product review and fashion blog that I, personally, love!

It is run by Editor-and-Chief, Tione Rodney, a student studying Business Administration at the University of the Virgin Islands.

If the natural hair help isn’t enough to get you hooked on her site, then maybe the wide range of posts will. Ms. Rodney clearly does not play when it comes to blogging and I can fully appreciate her range of knowledge.

Don’t believe me, check her out for yourself!


https://www.beautythatwalks.com/

 

FASHION BLOGGERS

If you are into bright, beautiful & fashion-forward bloggers, then you have to check out Marie’s Blog at whatcorrinedid.com

Here’s a snippet, but I promise you, her page is one you don’t want to pass up! Check her out!

 

LIFESTYLE BLOGGERS

Lifestyle blogs range in variety, we have all things haunted with Medium, Kristi at Haunted History Jaunts with Kristi; or, if you’re not into that, then maybe you’re into enjoying a laugh or two with Philomath who posts funny lifestyle posts to Querianson!

But, if that’s not your speed, then check out what life is like with an invisible mental illness and how it changes your outlook on life with everyone’s favorite Fibro Mom, Suzanne at FibroMomBlog. Or, if you’re curious about a disability that is more noticeable and also very common, then check out Holly’s blog Life of a Blind Girl (a blog that I can definitely relate to)!

A lot of times, bloggers mix mental health into their lifestyle blogs (which I personally love) and of those bloggers, you have to check out Randomly Creative run by Yvonne Wabai, or by Milli on Poised Prodigy.

Maybe you need a bit of uplifting? Check out The Curious Sedulous, a new blogger with tips on beating procrastination and taking yourself from mediocre to productive AF.

Another new blogger worth checking out is Chevany at Chevy Takes The Mic!

Finally, for all things life and law school check out the lovely Corina’s blog Corina’s Corner!

Curtesy of Corina of   Corina’s Corner  !

Curtesy of Corina of Corina’s Corner!

 

FOODIE BLOGGERS

Bites n’ Pieces is a foodie’s stop-shop!

Check out this website for fun and exciting recipes and cutesy lifestyle posts!

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Thanks for reading, clicking and engaging! Content creators, you’re doing wonderful work! Check out someone else’s and spread the love!

•Bree

Let’s Be Breef

LXVII: What I've Learned, Thus Far, From 2018?

Here we are! Another installment and another year of lessons!

I’ve changed things up this year and entered into it feeling a bit more liberated than I was in 2017. I had decided early on that I was going to do what I wanted, when I wanted and try things. But, with that, I also opened myself up to people which is something that I normally steer very clear of.

Whenever you open up your heart, mind, and ears to new people, you’ll definitely be learning new lessons, however. Trust me!

So, here are a couple of the lessons that I’ve learned, thus far, this year:

STEER CLEAR OF THOSE WHO WANT YOUR RHYTHM BUT NOT YOUR BLUES

Wanting my rhythm and not my blues simply means that someone wants to be around me when I am happy and having fun, but when stuff hits the fan of life, they want to hit the road.

I’ve had this type of person in my life plenty-a-time!

The bad thing about me, however, is that when it comes to people who I have allowed into my life, I genuinely try my best to keep them.

BUT, sometimes in life you go through things, not to learn to work through them, but to learn to walk away from bad situations

This year has been one big lesson on walking away for me. It gets so lonely sometimes, but walking away from people who want to be around when all is well but leave when things get difficult is a very necessary reality. 

PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING

The way you view a situation says a lot about the way you view the world and the way you view yourself.

Now, I generally look at situations from a very realistic standpoint. I also use facts from the past that have created a pattern to assist with the way in which I view those situations. So, in short, when a situation presents itself, I’m an absolute realist through and through.

Now, this year has been filled with ups and downs, and I’ve worked at keeping my outlook on things upbeat enough to allow myself the ability to continue on in whatever direction I am attempting to go in life without letting things get me too down.

Changing my perspective on a lot of the things that have happened to me lately has seriously helped. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been so necessary. A lot of times, perspective comes through in the form of a glass being half empty or a glass being half full. 2018 has taught me to look at things with the glass half full which has allowed me the opportunity to fill it the rest of the way on my own.

WHEN SOMETHING IS FOR YOU, IT WILL ALWAYS BECOME YOURS

This is super important for me to remember! 

I oftentimes work overtime to keep friendships and relationships with people who have never even deserved my time in the first place. It’s in my nature, however, to nurture those relationships...

BUT, when a relationship is for you, it will be yours without all of the tug-of-war! I forget this so much and it results in me making people feel way more needed than they actually are by trying to keep them in my life.

This is a habit, in me, that needs to be left in 2018. Because, trust me, you won’t be forcing the friendships and relationships that are meant to happen!  

BE REAL WITH EVERYONE AT ALL TIMES 

Now, first and foremost, you have to be real with yourself! But after that, you have to be real with everyone else.

I met someone this year who was such a gem! A beautiful soul inside and out. But, if you asked me, now, whether or not I still know this person, then my answer would honestly have to be ‘no’.

This person was so good at pretending to be the great person that I grew to very fondly enjoy, but [as you’ll read below] people can only pretend for so long (and sometimes for too long) before their true colors show.

It turns out that this person was a complete stranger to me when they showed me who they really were. What a shock!

I can see from that situation that it is, a lot of times, hard for some people to just be themselves which, to me, seems like it would be more work to pretend to be someone or something else. But, I digress, …

People usually teach me the biggest lessons and from this person, I’ve learned that you have to be super mindful of who and what you are. Remain true to yourself no matter the situation.

Real will attract real, but you have to weed through a lot of fake to get to it.

PEOPLE ARE GOOD AT PRETENDING — WATCH FOR SIGNS

I have made the mistake of underestimating the amount of time that people can live while being fake and, trust me, they can go the distance. 

But, I’ve learned that, eventually the real will always come out. 

I’ve had two friends while in school that people have completely warned me about but I ignored it and instead defended them because I wanted to base my reactions to them solely on my experiences. In hindsight, I completely wish that I would’ve listened to those people, but I didn’t, so I had to eat that loss.

I didn’t believe these things because people are so good at pretending to be things that they are not. They immitate the things that they see being attracted by others. They become so good at the facade that it’s undetectable to eyes that want to believe what they see.

But, I’ve seen that faking it gets exhaustive and they will eventually show their true colors. Some people don’t last a week, others take months, and one took years!  

 My advice to myself and others would simply be to jump ship as soon as the first sign becomes apparent. We’re so inclined to ignore the little signs because we’re enjoying the bigger moments, but trust me, cutting these people off early on is always best. 


So, there you have it! 2018 has taught me A LOT about people and how I should approach the next batch that I meet in life.

But, most of all, 2018 has taught me to look at situations from multiple angles: yes, losing a job will hurt, but there are so many benefits to it; yes, losing a ‘friend’ will hurt, but I’ve gained so many more who actually seem good; and, yes, loving someone is difficult, especially when you’re on completely different wavelengths as far as life is concerned, but opening your heart to someone has the never-ending benefit of showing you so much about yourself!

So for that, 2018, I thank you! 🎊🎊🎊