Adults

LXVIII: Movie Theater Etiquette 101

I go to the movies a lot which means that I see and experience a lot in that setting. I wish I could say that all (or most) of my experiences were pleasant, but the great majority of them are not.

But, have no fear! I’ve written out a couple of tips to help those who struggle when emerging from their homes and traveling to the cinemas:

PARENTS, THE MOVIE THEATER IS NOT THE PLACE FOR YOUR NEWBORN!

I’ve been to the movies too many times and had my experience negatively altered by the family who decided to bring either a newborn or a toddler to an R rated movie.

Now, it is completely up to you to decide how you will parent and what content you will allow your children to see and indulge in, but please keep in mind the fact that you did not pay for every seat in the theater. Other people paid to be there as well, so when your newborn screams, we all hear it and when your toddler decides that the movie is boring and that he/she should instead start a conversation about Bubble Guppies, we hear that too.

Please be considerate of other movie-goers.

TWEENS, DRINK LESS AND HOLD OFF ON THE BATHROOM SELFIES!

It never fails, if i go to the movies at night on a weekend, it is inevitably filled with high school students. Now, as a sheltered teen, I am all for y’alls liberation, but when it infringes on my good time is when I start to have a problem with it.

The movie will legitimately be an hour and thirty minutes and y’all get up to leave the theater 4 times. You’re either sipping too hard on that Coke or you’re busy sending selfies from the movie theater rest room. I promise the lighting is better at home in your bathroom so just wait until you’re there.

Thanks.

CHILDREN & ADULTS, I DID NOT PAY TO SEE YOUR PHONE SCREEN!

I have now been in a theater with both children and adults who cannot sit for two hours without being on their phones!

When I’m lucky, they are completely out of my view, but, I recently went to watch Aquaman and there was this middle-aged/old-enough-to-know-better aged man who was there with a woman but constantly checking his dating app! Like, come on you thirsty old man, get it together and find some respect! If not for me, then maybe for the girl next to you whose popcorn you keep stealing.

Either wait until after the movie, or just excuse yourself. We shouldn’t all have to suffer just because you’re obsessed with your phones.

OBNOXIOUS PERSON WHO NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE, DON’T BOTHER ME!

I know that leaving the house can be such an exciting thing, but each and every time that I left my house to watch Creed II, my experience was ruined by that one person who couldn’t keep their comments, thoughts, guesses, and alternate plot theories to themselves.

I know that you think your ideas are great and that they should be heard, but save that for your blog or your mama, and not for the movie theater where we all paid to watch what the director and writer decide what would happen… not you!